


The Cowboy and the Rancher

by TwoBoys2Love



Series: JA Ranch [2]
Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Angst, Bottom Jensen, Bottom Jensen Ackles, Cowboy Jared, Cowboy Jared Padalecki, Cowboy Jensen Ackles, J2, JDM, M/M, Rancher Jensen, Top Jared, Top Jared Padalecki, UST, Unresolved Sexual Tension, cowboy Jensen, jared/jensen - Freeform, warning: mentions animal cruelty, warning:mentions euthanizing animals
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-04
Updated: 2019-02-08
Packaged: 2019-10-21 23:50:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 21,897
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17652038
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TwoBoys2Love/pseuds/TwoBoys2Love
Summary: Jared has agreed to stay on at Ackles' Ranch, but the "getting to know each other" part is a rocky path. Jensen's past is something he's never wanted to deal with and having to talk isn't high on his list of things to do.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I have finished the sequel! I'll post a chapter every few days! :D 
> 
> Thank you Masja, as always, for your attention to detail :)

Hooves whirled in front of Jensen’s eyes and it took all of Jensen’s willpower to stay where he was. As the stallion’s hooves slammed back down into the ground, a dust cloud plumed up around them.

“Good?” Jared’s voice called out from somewhere on the other side of the dust.

“Good,” Jensen echoed in a low, steady voice.

 _Still of the Night_ , was anything _but_ still. When they’d first brought him to JA Ranch, the horse had fought them every step of the way. Initially, Jared had worked with him, spending hours out in the corral with the horse. He hadn’t made much progress though and had asked Jensen to give it a try.

Jensen had figured Jared was just trying to give him some more experience, building up his confidence a little but he realized quickly that he was wrong. 

_Still of the Night_ may have healed physically, but he was obviously still scarred by the abuse he’d been subjected to. 

Jensen took a few deep breaths to keep himself from letting his anger ignite again. When he’d first seen the welts and cuts on the Stallion’s coat, he’d felt sick to his stomach. Jensen had punched a wall to distract himself from the burn of tears behind his eyes.

Jared had cleaned the gash on his knuckle silently that day.

Now, he focussed on the horse and keeping _himself_ calm because that was the only way he would be able to help. “Hey, Still. How about we start over, you and me?”

The horse cocked his chestnut colored ears and snorted before back up a few steps.

Jensen was running out of ideas. He put everything Jared had taught him into action and all he had received for his efforts was a bruise on his shoulders and a wounded ego. “How do I talk to you, fella?”

The horse shook his mane and pawed at the ground.

Jensen figured he was already heavily invested so he had nothing to lose if he tried something new. He was already sore and it wasn’t like he could fail any more spectacularly.

Jensen moved very slowly as he went down on one knee then the other. He kept his eyes on Still, watching the tension in his flank and the way his ears were twitching. “I’m just gonna get comfy.”

Still snorted and held his ground.

Jensen set his palms down on the dirt, sat down on his ass and got comfortable. He glanced over at Jared to see a bemused expression on his face.

Jared shrugged and smiled slight… _why not?_

Wiping the sweat from his forehead, Jensen squinted over at the horse. “It’s hot out here. Still, wouldn’t it be better if you and I could walk down to the creek together and have a swim? I know I'd like that right about now."

Still cocked his head slightly, eyes moving from Jensen to Jared then back again.

"Don't worry about him," Jensen began again in a softer voice. "It's just you and me, buddy. The thing is? You don't have to be friends with any of us. That's not part of the deal. You want to just hang out? That's fine. You're never gonna be around anyone who will hurt you again."

The horse took a step closer and snorted. He shook his mane again and stared down at Jensen.

"You can run for miles out there in the pastures. You don't ever have to let any of us touch you," Jensen said. He rubbed at the end of his nose and shifted his ass slightly on the hard ground. "Thing is, there's some good stuff around here. You have a bridle on and you can go to that creek I told you about."

Still reared slightly and began to walk around Jensen in a small circle.

In his peripheral vision, Jensen could see Jared moving slowly up on to the corral fence in case Jensen needed help.

"Like I said, though." Jensen swept his dusty hair back off his forehead. "You can take your time, or you can give us all the middle finger. It's entirely up to you. You will have a home here forever."

The horse stopped behind Jensen.

"It's a good life here, buddy. Good people, some cool horses. I think you'll learn to like it."

There was movement behind Jensen and he continued to breathe slow and steady, keeping his apprehension at bay. "Consider this place to be like a spa for horses. You can hang out, get brushed, we'll cater to all your needs. You just gotta get to know us."

For the briefest moment, Jensen thought he felt warm breath on his neck. He closed his eyes and listened carefully until he could focus on the sound of the horse breathing. "The one thing I can promise you is that I will _never_ let anyone hurt you again. I know how hard it is to forget about all that stuff that happened to you, but I think living here might be worth it."

There was a wet snort against Jensen's neck and he couldn't help the slight smile that onto his lips. "No pressure, buddy. Just get used to the place," Jensen said softly.

The horse stepped closer and pressed his nose to Jensen's cheek. He paused there for a few moments and Jensen lifted his fingers until he could trail them along the horse's muzzle. A little thrill ran through him when he was allowed the small contact.

Still knickered, nudged at Jensen's neck and then walked away.

Jensen blew out a satisfied sigh and glanced over his shoulder towards Jared.

"Holy shit," Jared muttered under his breath as he hopped down into the corral. When he reached Jensen, he held out a hand and hauled him up to his feet.

"I did good?" Jensen asked. He really wanted to just be confident, but it always felt good when Jared praised him for his work with the horses.

" _You_ were amazing." Jared stepped in close, one hand sliding over Jensen's hip. "No one's gotten that close to him yet."

"I think it was the spa idea that weakened his resolve." Jensen grinned and reached up to tip the brim of Jared's hat back on his forehead.

"It worked on me," Jared said. His fingers slipped under the untucked hem of Jensen's shirt. "Can I get a massage later?"

Heat crept up Jensen's neck and settled across the height of his cheeks. "I'm the one who nearly got a hoof in the face."

"Sure, but you promised a spa."

"To him, not you," Jensen said as he leaned in closer to Jared.

Their lips met, and Jared hummed softly after the brief contact. "Seriously, I'm proud of you."

Smiling, Jensen pushed at Jared's shoulder and stepped back. "You would have done the same."

Jared straightened his hat and looked over at Still. "I think he might settle in. I was worried. But I feel better now you reached him."

"We'll give him all the time and space he needs." Jensen meant it. The one thing that being wealthy afforded him, was the opportunity to give horses an escape when they needed one. He could relate to feeling trapped and needing a way out. He'd felt that way most of his youth.

"You done for the day?" Jared asked.

"Yeah. I think I could use a shower and a cold beer." An ache in Jensen's shoulder reminded him that he would probably be sore in the morning.

"How about we meet at the pool in about an hour? I'll bring the beers," Jared said.

Jensen smiled at Jared and wiped his forearm across his damp brow. "Sure."

"Just gotta talk to Matt. See you in while." Jared walked backward for a few steps, grinned then headed off to the barn.

Jensen watched as Jared hopped over the corral fence then jogged off towards the main barn. A swim would feel good.

-=-=-=-

By the time Jared arrived at the poolside, Jensen was lying along the steps in the water. The late afternoon sun was partially blocked by the house, but it was still hot. He'd been just about ready to nod off when he'd heard Jared come through the gate.

Jensen laughed when he looked up. Jared was wearing baggy yellow swim trunks with green palm trees on them, his boots and his hat.

"What?" Jared set the beers down behind Jensen then struggled out of his boots.

"Nice outfit." Chuckling, Jensen roused himself enough to grab one of the bottles of beer. He groaned as he twisted around to reach it.

"How else can I get over here? I gotta have something on my feet," Jared said as he stepped into the pool and sat beside Jensen in the water.

"True. But you could just change over here," Jensen said even though he had a feeling Jared wouldn’t. That was the thing. Jared had said he would live in the ranch hand's house while he and Jensen got to know each other. His commitment to that promise was a little frustrating. Despite his reluctance to be anywhere near a relationship, Jensen had figured _getting to know each other_ might have meant sex. So far, it hadn't meant that at all.

Jensen passed the other beer to Jared the settle his hand on Jared's strong thigh. "Get everything sorted with Matt?"

"You bet." Jared swallowed a few mouthfuls of beer then peered at Jensen from under his long lashes. "He was surprised you got through to Still."

"Well, _Matt_ had no faith in my skill. I'm like a horse ninja." Jensen smiled but he really wondered at times if Matt was a little jealous. Matt and Jared were the same age, had a lot in common… and, because they both lived under the same roof, they spent a lot of time together.

"He has faith," Jared said as he picked at the label on his bottle. "I think he was worried we'd have to just let him be. The horse, I mean. He'd have been fine here anyway, but he'll be better if someone can touch him without him panicking."

"He'll get there. He just needs people to be patient with him," Jensen said. When he saw Jared's pointed look, he rolled his eyes. "I'm not a horse, Jared."

"I didn't say anything," Jared said before drinking some more beer.

"I can hear your thoughts." Jensen squeezed Jared's thigh then withdrew his hand.

Things hadn't progressed much in the couple of months that Jared had lived and worked at the ranch. It bothered Jensen, and it didn't bother him. He had basically asked that Jared take things slowly, one step at a times. That was exactly what Jared seemed to be doing.

Jensen's life was complicated. Well, no. It wasn't complicated. His childhood had been messed up… just… shitty. But he'd learned to cope even when he was a kid still young enough to cry himself to sleep at night.

But he'd grown up. He'd made something of himself. He'd fixed his life. Most of it. The problem was that Jared rattled all the walls that Jensen had shored up over the years.

"You're quiet today," Jared said softly. "Basking in your success?"

Closing his eyes, Jensen shifted down a little so that he could rest his head on the top step. "Just thinkin'."

"You gonna surprise me and tell me what about?"

"You, Jared."

When Jensen opened his eyes, he was pleased to see a surprised expression on Jared's face. "Didn't expect me to tell you?"

"Didn't figure you thought about me all that much."

"Why would you think that?" Jensen asked. He sat up and turned towards Jared.

At first, Jared just shrugged, then he took a deep breath and looked into Jensen's eyes. "It's been a couple of months."

Jensen shook his head slightly and frowned because he wasn't sure where the conversation was headed.

"Since I became an _official_ employee. Since we agreed to get to know each other."

"Right." It wasn't like Jensen had forgotten how it was that Jared had ended up a semi-permanent fixture at JA Ranches. The start might have been rocky, but Jensen enjoyed Jared's company.

"I don't know much more about you," Jared said. He took another pull on the beer bottle then set it down on the pool deck behind him.

"You know what beer I like. How _amazing_ I am with the toughest horses. Let's see…" Jensen thought back over the previous couple of months. "You know that if I lose my temper, it's best to let J.D. talk to me."

"That's just stuff that everyone knows," Jared said.

The step was beginning to dig into Jensen's back and he sat up. Even though it was still warm out, the wind teased goosebumps across his shoulders. At least, he thought it was the wind. Maybe, it was that feeling of dread he always got when he felt a _talk_ looming on the horizon.

"Just takes time, Jared."

"Time."

"You haven't been here that long," Jensen began. "You want me to just sit down one night and regale you with stories from my past?"

Jared was quiet for a while as he stared across the pool. "No. It's okay."

As far as Jensen was concerned, too much talking was probably what was getting in the way of their relationship progressing. He couldn't shake the feeling that the more Jared knew about him, the less inclined he would be to spend time with Jensen.

"We should be celebrating." Jensen tried to change gears and shifted over onto his hip so that he could get a better look at Jared. He reached out and smoothed Jared's hair back from his face.

"I suppose we should," Jared said softly. "You _were_ great today."

"I was." Jensen shifted a little closer and slid his hand over Jared's firm thigh. The water made his skin seem smoother than usual. Jensen squeezed the hard muscle and smiled.

"Still used to getting your own way," Jared murmured.

"I don't know about that," Jensen answered quickly. If he always got _his_ way they would have been sleeping together for a while. That wasn't how things had been working though.

Not that Jensen disliked the way things were going. It was nice to have Jared around… most of the time.

"You should probably kiss me," Jensen said when Jared stayed silent. "You know. A reward for my remarkable horsemanship."

When Jared turned his head there was a slight frown on his face. It disappeared, and he nodded once, then leaned in.

As usual, Jensen felt a little thrill of energy racing down his spine. He loved the way Jared's mouth was soft and willing at the same time as he leaned in and claimed Jensen's mouth. The way Jared's tongue slid forward never left any doubt in Jensen's mind that he was wanted even if things didn't go any further.

Maybe that was the strange part… being wanted.

-=-=-=-

After Jared headed back to the ranch hand's house, Jensen wandered into the house and headed to the kitchen.

"Date night over?"

J.D.'s gruff voice made Jensen smile. "You have an entire wing of this house to yourself, and you spend most of your time in the kitchen."

"There's food here." J.D. held up a sandwich.

"True." Jensen put the empties in the recycling and grabbed an apple before sitting down opposite J.D.

"So?"

"What?"

"How was your date?"

"We just had a couple beers," Jensen answered. He could feel a blush creeping onto his cheeks.

"And kissing."

"Are you some sort of creepy stalker?" Jensen smirked.

"Wondered if you guys wanted to BBQ," J.D. answered in between bites of his sandwich. "Turned out your mouths were busy."

Jensen shrugged a shoulder trying to look nonchalant, but he knew he was smiling. He was certain that Jared was good at a lot of things, but he was particularly good at kissing.

"So. What's going on with you two? Any progress?" J.D. brushed some crumbs out of his beard.

"Nothing much," Jensen knows full well what J.D. is asking. He'd practically thrown Jared off his property, then ended up agreeing to _get to know him_. He wasn't sure they'd made any progress.

"What's goin' on?"

J.D. could be like a dog with a bone, especially when it came to Jensen's personal life. It wasn't like Jensen hadn't been thinking about it himself. "He doesn't… well, I think he's not wanting things to progress."

Leaning back in his chair, J.D. stretched his back slowly. "Probably paranoid about pushin' ya too fast. You did kinda freak out on him before."

"No, I didn't freak out. And I seem to remember _you_ not being a fan of his at first," Jensen said. "It was him who wanted… this." Jensen wasn't sure anymore what _this_ was. Sure, he and Jared spent time together, they were intimate with each other… in a limited fashion. It was a slow build.

"And _you_ didn't want it?"

When Jensen looked up, he sighed. There was no judgment on J.D.'s face. He was probably one of the best men that Jensen knew.

"I'm not sure what I want, Jeff. I'm really not." There was part of Jensen that loved the idea of dating someone, having someone significant in his life.

But he wasn't certain that was the best life for him.

"Maybe that's what the kid's pickin' up on," J.D. said softly.

"Maybe," Jensen agreed. "It is what it is, I guess."

There was a slight frown on J.D.'s face, but he smiled that odd and irritating knowing smile of his. "Wouldn't kill ya to have a relationship."

Opting for the defense of humor, Jensen grinned. "Well, we don't _know_ that for sure, do we?"

Shaking his head fondly, J.D. pushed his chair back and stood. "One of these days, you're gonna have to stop livin' like a playboy, son."

"Oh, _God_ , say it isn't so," Jensen said dramatically.

J.D. squeezed Jensen's shoulder as he passed his chair. "Love ya."

Jensen reached up and pressed his hand over J.D.'s for a moment. J.D. was all the family that he needed. He'd be unlikely _ever_ to find another man as trustworthy and devoted as Jeffrey Dean Morgan.

-=-=-=-

There was an influx of horses for a while. Work seemed to have gotten out in Texas and further afield that J.A. Ranches would take in horses who needed rescuing. There were quite a few places that were set up to rescue animals, but the advantage Jensen had was a lot of disposable income and a hell of a lot of land.

He was also lucky enough to have a lot of people working for him who were willing to put in the time and effort it took to rehabilitate mistreated horses.

Jared remained one of the best horsemen that Jensen had ever encountered.

Whenever Jared was working with a new horse, Jensen seemed to find his way down to the corral to watch. It wasn’t deliberate, at least, he didn’t think it was. Jared just attracted Jensen’s attention.

He stood out. Even from halfway across the front yard of the ranch, Jared was a head taller than most of the people working on the ranch. When his hat was off, the way he loved working with horses, then his long, shaggy hair was easy to spot.

However it happened, for whatever the reason, Jensen often found himself watching Jared work. He liked to think he learned a lot, but he wasn’t sure.

Take, for instance, the horse Jared was currently working with. Jensen leaned on the top railing of the fence and tipped the brim of his hat back slightly to block out the sunlight. 

Jared had been in the corral for a few hours. He was paired up with a black stallion that had come to them via Horses Unlimited Rescue in El Paso. They’d been involved in the shut down of a ranch and there had been too many horses for them to take on. Jared and Matt had gone with an empty horse trailer and returned with four new residents.

One of the tallest horses they’d rescue was named _Darkness of the Eve of Morn_. Everyone had started calling him Dark as soon as he’d arrived. He was stubborn and strong and had a pretty bad temper. The vet had to sedate Dark when he arrived just to allow the farrier to work on his hooves.

All the horses from the rescue had been badly neglected. They were malnourished, underweight, their hooves were in rough shape and they all harbored a mistrust for humans. Dark trusted them the least of all.

Jensen had a theory that Dark was the _leader_. The other three horses that had traveled with him, seemed to follow him around. Maybe he was so aggressive because he felt the responsibility of being the one in charge. Jensen could relate.

Because Dark seemed to be the dominant one in the small herd, Jared had wanted to work with him first. By the time Jensen had made it down to the corral to observe, they’d been working together for a while.

Jared was standing his ground in the middle of the corral. His hat was tossed carelessly aside, his t-shirt already covered in dust and soaked with sweat. It appeared that Jared hadn’t managed to get on the horse’s good side yet. There may be some bruises already appearing on his cheek and neck. 

Jensen walked along the fence until he was close to where Jared was standing. “You alright?”

Nodding, Jared took a few steps back towards the fence while still keeping his eyes on the horse. He leaned back against the post nearest Jensen and sighed. “He’s a tough one.”

The bruise on Jared’s neck was already darkening and Jensen reached out to push Jared’s hair back. He inhaled through clenched teeth when he saw the extent of the wound. “You know, you don’t get danger pay.”

“You can pay me more if you want.” Leaning his head back, Jared closed his eyes and smiled wearily.

“You just got this job!” Jensen chuckled softly and smoothed Jared’s hair back into place. He could stare at Jared all day. He was long, lean and the way he was resting back against the fence made him look even taller. Even dirty and a little beat down, he looked perfect, and Jensen felt his heart flutter slightly.

“You come out here to check up on me? Make sure I’m not hurtin’ your horses?” Jared’s lips crept into a soft smile that poked dimples into his cheeks.

“If there’s one thing I never have to worry about, it’s you hurtin’ a horse,” Jensen said lazily.

Jensen’s fingers trailed down along the bruise that was still darkening Jared’s skin. “He got ya good.”

“Tossed his head and knocked me into the fence post. Think I twisted my ankle too. Good thing I was wearin’ boots.”

It wasn’t the first time one of them had been hurt on the ranch but, oddly, Jensen didn’t like seeing Jared hurt. “Come up to the house when you’re done here, I’ll get you some ice for that.”

Jared leaned back slightly so he could peer at Jensen from under his lashes. “Got ice at the Hand’s house too, ya know.”

Jensen knew. He stepped up on to the bottom part of the fence and leaned over to press his lips to the peek of Jared’s cheek.“But you don’t have _me_ there. Meet me in the kitchen when you’re done.”

-=-=-=-

“You’re dirty.” 

Jared grinned as he strode into the kitchen. “I brushed most of the dust off. Be thankful.”

Jensen opened the freezer door and pulled an ice pack out then looked around. He shrugged and hopped up onto the counter and motioned for Jared to come closer.

Brow furrowed as he smiled curiously, Jared stepped in between Jensen’s legs.

“You’re tall as fuck,” Jensen said as he reached down and picked up the facecloth he’d retrieved from the bathroom. He wiped at the dirt that was smeared down Jared’s cheek and along his jaw.

The smile stayed on Jared’s face as he stood there, letting Jensen clean him up.

Jensen glanced into Jared’s eyes, found it a little too tempting and looked back at the bruise as he tried to clean some of the dirt of it. “What?”

“You’re takin’ care of me. I kinda like it.”

Frowning even though he was trying not to smile, Jensen shook his head. “I take care of everyone who works for me.”

“Right. And, do you kiss them to?”

“Nope,” Jensen said quickly. “Don’t get involved with people who work for me. Seems like a bad idea. I have my fun in the city.”

Jared pulled back slightly until he could look at Jensen more clearly.

“Okay,” Jensen said. “That sounded worse than it was. I never have … before.”

“But you do have fun in the city?” 

For a few moments, Jensen sat back and studied Jared’s expression. he couldn’t get a clear idea whether Jared was being a bit judgemental or he was just wanting information. But, it was dangerous ground. When Jared had first arrived at the ranch, he had made a few comments about the _gossip_ shit that had been online. Gossip and speculation all went hand in hand with being wealthy and single; at least that was Jensen’s experience with it. “I’ve been known to have a bit of fun in Austin. It’s a great city. Fantastic nightlife.”

“Nightlife,” Jared said. He narrowed his gaze slightly and smirked.

“You’ve never picked anyone up for a night?”

Jared shrugged and pressed his lips together to hide the smirk.

“There ya go,” Jensen said as he went back to wiping the dirt from Jared’s face and neck.

“You ever had a relationship before?” 

Jensen’s hand stopped and he set the cloth down beside him. “No, Jared. I haven’t had a relationship before.”

Alright. So, it might have come out a bit sharper than Jensen had intended, but he didn’t mean for it to have put the look on Jared’s face that had appeared. He looked as though Jensen had shut him down completely, rather than actually, for once, trying to answer one of Jared’s questions honestly. It was possible that he’d just chosen the wrong question to answer. There was something about never having been in a relationship before that made Jensen feel a little apologetic and indignant at the same time. It shouldn't matter, but he knew it was exactly the kind of thing that _did_ matter to people.

“You know that talking never killed anyone, right Jensen?” Jared was stepping back and wiping his hand over his cheek.

“You asked me a question. I answered it,” Jensen said quietly. He didn’t want to get into why the question had bothered him in the first place. This seemed to be the way that they got into trouble every time they talked.

“You did.” Jared nodded and ran his hand through his hair. “Listen, Matt’s cookin’ tonight so I’m gonna head back out to the Hand’s house. You have a good night.”

Jared was already walking backward as Jensen held up his hand to see him off. He disappeared through the door quickly and Jensen sat there, boots bumping against the cupboards, wondering if they would ever have a conversation that ended on a _good_ note.

-=-=-=-

Bass pounded so loud and hard on the dance floor that Jensen could feel it in his chest. He was already sweating, enveloped in the sights and familiar scents of the nightclub.

He'd escaped the ranch for a few days in Austin with J.D. They _actually_ there for a rancher's convention… the gay bar had been Jensen's addition to the itinerary.

Just before Jensen had been dragged onto the dance floor by a tall, muscular, blonde fellow, he's seen a _much_ younger man approach J.D. with a couple of beers. There were always young men interested in J.D. And why wouldn't they be? Apart from the whole _being straight_ thing, J.D. was practically perfect.

The beat of the music shifted, slower, the intensity notched up. Jensen wiped the sweat from his brow with the bottom of his _Indian Motorcycles_ t-shirt. He'd definitely caught _tall blonde's_ interest and he flashed a sultry smile at him.

 _Tall-blonde_ lost no time in closing the distance between them. His hands clamped onto Jensen's shoulders and he turned him, so he could press up against Jensen's back.

So, it was gonna be like that.

Jensen felt a little thrill spark across his chest. He always _had_ enjoyed the chase. Often, it turned out to be far more tantalizing than the capture at the end of the evening.

 _Tall-blonde_ pressed his hard body flush to Jensen's back and they began to sway in time to the music.

There was enough alcohol in Jensen's system that he was feeling like some teasing was in order. Hell, it was just such a relief to be on familiar ground. He _got_ the ebb and flow of clubs. He understood how it worked. You saw something you liked, you went for it. If the invitation was accepted, which – let's face it – it often was, then Jensen knew what to expect.

The flashing lights above the dance floor seemed too bright and Jensen closed his eyes and let his head fall back as he moved to the beat.

The bass pounded into his chest and he felt the rasp of _tall-blonde_ 's stubble against his temple. Warm, soft, lips pressed against the top of Jensen's ear as two broad hands slid across his chest.

Jensen's lips curled into a smile again and his lashes fluttered as he opened his eyes. He twisted his hips from side to side, in keeping with the rhythm as he glanced over to see if J.D. was still at the table.

J.D. was there alright. He had his hand firmly clenched around Jared's forearm. Jared was staring across the dance floor, his eyes locked on Jensen's face.

_Jared._

J.D. leaned up slightly onto his toes and said something to Jared. The expression on Jared's face was somewhere on the journey from hurt to anger, his body was _all_ pissed off though. Those stupidly, broad shoulders were rigid, his free hand clenched into a fist at his side.

Several thoughts collided in Jensen's head at once. Jared wasn't even supposed to be in Austin. He _certainly_ wasn't supposed to be at Jensen's favorite club. Okay, so he'd ended up at the same club as them, he had no business shooting daggers at Jensen across the dance floor.

As Jensen watched, Jared wrenched his arm free of J.D.'s hold. He was saying something that made J.D. shake his head and then shrug. Then Jared looked back at the dance floor at Jensen like he was waiting for something to happen.

 _Tall-blonde_ chose that moment to shake his arm around Jensen's waist, pushing his fingertips up under the hem of Jensen's shirt.

Jensen couldn't help the way he kept his gaze locked on Jared. It was like a compulsion; he simply couldn’t look away.

Jared pressed his lips together, blinked slowly then nodded once at Jensen. He turned and started walking towards the door. J.D. turned back to the table to snatch his jacket off the back of his chair then followed Jared.

Without even acknowledging _tall-blonde_ , Jensen strode off the dance floor in pursuit of his friends. Maybe it wasn't about him, maybe something had happened at the ranch.

J.D. got caught up in the crowd that was lined up at the bar, so Jensen skirted around it. He could see Jared's head about everyone else's near the door. He quickened his pace, zigzagged between people and headed out through the Lobby into the warm evening air. He glanced down the street then looked up toward the hotel.

Hands stuffed in the pockets of his black jeans, shoulders hunched, Jared was already halfway up the block.

"Jared! Wait up!" Jensen jogged after him.

The only real sign Jared had heard his name was the way his step faltered slightly. He didn't slow down, nor did he stop and wait for Jensen to catch up.

It took Jensen a few moments to catch up. He grabbed Jared's shoulder. "Hey! Everything okay? What are you doing here? Did something happen at the Ranch?"

Finally, Jared stopped walking, but he didn't turn around. Jensen had to step around him. "Jared?"

His expression stern, Jared swallowed as he looked off up the street over Jensen's shoulder. "I came to the city to surprise you. Thought we could spend some time together."

"Oh," Jensen said. He rubbed the back of his hand across his forehead and took a deep breath. "Well, I'm surprised."

Jared's gaze finally made its way to Jensen's. "I noticed."

"What's that supposed to mean?" It wasn't like Jensen had been doing anything wrong. He'd been dancing. And, there was no reason for Jared to look as pissed off as he did.

"Clearly, you already found someone to spend time with," Jared said in a tight voice.

Frowning, Jensen shifted his weight to his back foot. "Am I missing something? I feel like I'm missing something."

"Maybe _I_ was missing something all this time," Jared answered in a more controlled voice. He looked down at the dirty sidewalk between them then ran a hand through his hair. "I thought you and I were getting to know each other."

"We have been." The sweat on Jensen's back was making his t-shirt cling uncomfortably. He plucked at the front of it and rolled his shoulders.

"You know about me, Jensen, about _my_ life. I don't know anything more about you."

"What?" Jensen laughed, incredulous. They talked. Jared was always asking him questions, so what if he didn’t feel like answering them all at once. "We talk. Don't be stupid."

Jared shook his head and laughed dryly. "You're a real piece of work, Ackles.'

Frustration gave way to anger and Jensen stepped in closer. All he had wanted was one night out, to blow off some steam. Before Jared, Jensen always had a good time in Austin. It was easier to be himself there – where no one knew him. "Don't turn this into a big drama, Jared. It's not like you and I are a couple. I was _dancing_ with a hot guy, not fucking him on the dance floor."

Jared's eyes widened slightly, his expression softened and he nodded almost imperceptibly. "Right."

The expression on Jared's face made Jensen feel a little sick. Maybe he'd overstated, but _fuck_. He could go out. He could meet people. He could do whatever the hell he wanted. "Maybe _you_ could use a little fun tonight too, loosen up."

 _That_ was probably a mistake. Jared's gaze hardened, his shoulder squared and he nodded again. "Have a great night, Jensen."

Jared spun on his heel and headed off.

"Don't be an asshole!" Jensen called out. But Jared kept walking and Jensen sure as hell wasn't going to chase him a second time.

"What the hell is your damage, Jensen?"  


J.D. had come up behind Jensen at some point. It was unclear how long he'd been standing there, but he didn't look very happy.

"Not you too."

J.D. rolled his eyes. "I love you, Jensen but you can be a real prick."

"Because I danced with someone?" More than a little indignant, Jensen was beginning to wish he'd never left the dance floor.

"I'm not stupid. You tellin' me you _weren't_ gonna hook up with someone tonight?" J.D. tilted his head slightly, eyebrows raised.

"What? No. I don't… always," Jensen said. All his defenses were up and it suddenly felt like everyone was involved in his business. "And, what if I was? When did that become a crime? And when the _fuck_ did it become everyone else's business?"

J.D. held his hand up. "I'm not _everyone_ else, I'm your best friend, Jensen. And look, I don't have a horse in this race. But seriously? You wanna stay single, more power to ya, but then stop fuckin' around with the kid's heart."

"With the…" For once, Jensen was pretty speechless. Not only was Jared being all dramatic over nothing, but it sure as hell looked like J.D. was siding with him. Frustrated, Jensen clenched his jaw for a few moments.

J.D. sighed. "I'm gonna head back to the hotel. Maybe you should call Jared. Give him an answer one way or the other."

If Jared had asked a question, then Jensen had missed it. But, he seemed to be missing a lot of things. "I don't remember asking for your advice, Jeff. Just like I don't remember making a commitment to Jared. I think everyone needs to step back out of my business."

For the first time in about as far back as Jensen could remember, J.D. looked angry. His gaze was sharp, his jaw set and he stared for a few moments before shaking his head. "How'd you get so fucked up, son?"

It looked almost as though J.D. was waiting for an answer, then he shrugged and headed off in the same direction as Jared.

For a long time, Jensen stood there on the sidewalk. He watched until J.D. disappeared. He wondered, for a time, if one of them would come back.

Jared could have changed his mind. He could have realized that Jensen hadn't done anything wrong and maybe, he would come back so they could have some fun.

Or J.D. His best friend _always_ forgave him when he fucked up.

But neither of the men came back.

Eventually, Jensen sighed, ran his hand back and forth over his hair and headed back to the hotel. For the first time in a _very_ long time, he headed back to an Austin Hotel room alone on a Saturday night.

-=-=-=-

The drive back to the ranch wasn't as bad as Jensen had expected. To begin with, he wasn't hung over, which was rare after a night out in Austin. And J.D. was a bit gruff at first, but by the time they'd hit a drive-through for breakfast and coffee, it had felt like things were almost back to normal.

By the time they arrived back at the ranch, Jensen had almost forgotten the mess between himself and Jared. _Almost._

As J.D. pulled the truck onto the road to the ranch, Jensen found himself casting his gaze around. Maybe the fight with Jared will have been the last straw. He couldn’t see Jared anywhere, but that wasn’t _completely_ out of the ordinary.

"He's still workin' for ya, if that's why you're lookin' around so frantically." The road was bumpy, and J.D. slowed the truck and rolled his window down. He always complained about the city air.

"Who is?" Jensen put quite a lot of effort into looking as though he had no idea that J.D. was talking about Jared. Obviously, it wasn't enough effort judging by the way J.D. was glaring at him.

"Stop," J.D. grumbled.

"You mean Jared?"

J.D. chose to ignore Jensen. "I spoke to Matt first thing. Jared came back to the ranch late last night. He was pretty upset."

"Yeah?" How did Jensen get more information without actually appearing to want it? He thought that would be a great superpower to have.

"He wanted to quit last night." J.D. just left that hanging there, like, somehow Jensen was supposed to do something about it.

"Yeah?" It was the only thing Jensen could get out. For some reason, his throat felt dry and tight, and the weird ache was back in his chest.

J.D. slammed on the brakes so suddenly that Jensen slid half way off his seat and banged his wrist against the dashboard. "What the fuck?"

"Do you even _care_ about Jared? Like, in the slightest?"

"What?" Jensen rubbed his aching arm as he repositioned himself on his seat. "Of course. He's really good with the horses. The boys like working with him." Even as he spoke, Jensen could feel heat clawing its way onto his cheeks. He cared. That was part of the problem.

"Don't fuck this up," J.D. said as he put the truck back in gear.

"Well… don't drive like such an asshole! You damn near broke my arm!"

"Shoulda put your fuckin' seatbelt on."

"Fine."

"Fine."

Jensen looked out the passenger window for the rest of the drive up to the house. He was already tired, and the day was only half over.

-=-=-

Jared _did_ stay on at the ranch, but he also put a bit of distance between them. He still worked hard, of course, he did, but the visits to Jensen's house stopped no matter what invitations Jensen issued. _Not_ that he went out of his way to invite Jared to things personally.

It seemed better… that they stay on a different path. Possibly. It would keep Jensen from having to suffer through any more lectures from J.D. Things were find between them; they'd been friends a long time and no one would come between them. But, when Jensen spoke with Jared when J.D. was watching he got a look on his face like he _knew_ there was more going on in Jensen's mind.

So, Jensen just tried to act normal. When he smiled at Jared, he would get a smile in return. If he _accidently_ ended up working in the same corral as Jared, they could have a polite conversation. But it wasn't the same.

There was a sadness about Jared that hadn't been there before, and Jensen didn't like it. He wasn't sure _why_ he didn't like it but seeing Jared without his trademark _bright_ smile, made Jensen feel weird and unsettled. Was it his fault? Maybe. That didn't mean that Jensen had any idea how to fix it.

After a week of seeing smiles on Jared's face that didn't reach his hazel eyes, Jensen decided to try something new. He fixed up a saddle bag of food and supplies, saddled up Liberty, texted Matt with a special errand and heading out to the corral where he'd last caught a glimpse of Jared.

He was still working with Spirit. The crazy night in the storm when Spirit had been born felt like a hundred years ago. Spirit was growing like a weed, and he was stubborn as a mule. Jensen smirked as he realized how similar the colt was to Jared.

Matt emerged from the barn with Ash all saddled up with Jared's tack. He walked the horse over to Jensen. "Hey, Jensen. Ash is good to go," Matt said as he handed off the reins.

"Thanks, Matt." Jensen smiled and smoothed his hand over Ash's nose. "You gonna try and kill me again?"

Ash had been the first horse that Jared had tested Jensen with, and it had gone pretty badly. It had gone _painfully_ if Jensen recollected correctly.

"Jay's been working with Ash in his free time. They work well together," Matt said as he adjusted the flank cinch on Ash's saddle.

"I know." There really wasn't much on the ranch that Jensen wasn't aware of. It was his home, his livelihood and his passion. 

Jared? Well, he paid attention to Jared too. Whenever Jared had time to ride, he rode Ash. They were good together. The idea for the day had been brewing in Jensen's mind long enough that the paperwork making Jared Ash's owner was already complete. Danneel had approved and was just waiting for Jared's John Hancock. Jensen had sworn her to secrecy.

Jensen led Liberty and Ash over to the corral where Jared was still running Spirit through his paces. "Hey, Jared!"

Jared nodded and waited for Spirit to complete a last turn around the corral.

"Matt?" Jensen said. "Can you take Spirit back to the pasture?"

Matt glanced over at Jared before nodding. "Sure."

He climbed over the corral fence and jumped down to take the lead from Jared. He nodded at Jared and walked Spirit out of the corral.

"Everything okay?" Jared asked as he dropped down in front of Jensen.

"Yeah. 'Course." Jensen felt a little nervous for some reason. _Jesus_. Jared had him so unsettled that even giving him a damned horse felt like a huge risk. It was a gift. It should be easy. So far, though, nothing had come easy with Jared.

"What's up?" Jared's hand moved straight to Ash's muzzle and he did a double take when he saw his saddle. 'Uh-"

"- I have a gift for you," Jensen said quickly. "And a request."

"Okay." Jared cocked his head slightly and pressed a kiss to Ash's nose.

Reaching behind him, Jensen pulled a copy of Ash's paperwork out of his back pocket. "Ash is yours. You gotta stop by and see Danneel and make it official… but it's a done deal."

Jared's eyes widened and he stared at the papers Jensen was holding out. "What? Why?"

Shrugging, Jensen held the papers out a little further, hoping Jared would take them before his arm fell off. "He's been yours since day one, or you've been his. Whatever. You own him."

Jared still hadn't taken the papers and Jensen chewed on his bottom lip for a few moments, wondering if he'd fucked up yet again.

"Jensen, you don't have to do that because you…" Jared gestured his hands vaguely as though, magically, that should make everything clearer to Jensen.

"Because I… want to?"

Jared's gaze hardened _just_ enough to make Jensen drop his hand to his side. The papers felt like they weighed a ton.

"Because you don't want to have a relationship with me," Jared said flatly.

An odd sensation slithered through Jensen's veins. It was sadness with the cool touch of regret. He'd _never_ said that. He wasn't even sure if he'd ever _thought_ that.

Jensen swallowed past the lump in his throat, and his grip tightened on the papers. "This isn't. Ash isn't a consolation prize, or a. Or a band-aid. He just belongs to you."

When Jared was silent, Jensen felt a little too close to desperation for comfort.

"And," he continued. "if you're gonna continue to work here, ya need your own horse. Everyone has their own horse – it's kind of expected."

The expression on Jared's face had softened slightly. He lifted his hat long enough to sweep his hair back and then sighed.

Shuffling his boots in the dust, Jensen looked down at the ground. "I didn't say I didn't want… I feel like what I said was that I didn't know _how_ to have a relationship. I don't." he gestured towards Ash. "This _isn't_ about that. I don't know how to convince you."

"What's the request?" Jared asked in a quiet voice, his hand still on Ash's neck.

"What?"

"You said you had a gift _and_ a request."

"I did. I wondered if you'd ride with me. I wanted to ride a stretch of the fences. I thought you might like to come." Jensen's cheeks were burning; he felt like he was asking Jared to the Prom.

"I have work to do."

"I'm the boss."

"So, you're giving me a horse _and_ you're giving me the day off?"

Jensen let out an exasperated sigh. "Yes, Jared. That is what I'm trying to do."

"Okay." Jared held out his hand for the papers.

More than a little relieved, Jensen handed them over quickly before Jared could change his mind.

"Do I still get the rest of the day off if I don't want to go riding with you?"

Jensen couldn’t help the way his shoulders fell. "Sure, Jared. Do what you like."

He was done humiliating himself for the day and grabbed Liberty's reins so they could head off. He was stopped a moment later by Jared's hand on his forearm.

"I didn't say I wasn't gonna go, I was just checking."

Not trusting himself to look at Jared, Jensen just nodded and pressed his hand to Liberty's flank. The warm, solidity of the horse always made him feel more grounded.

"You want to head out now?" Jared asked.

"Sure." Jensen eased himself out of Jared's grip under the pretense of mounting up. "I took the liberty of having Matt pack you up. I've got everything we need. Ready if you are."

Jared's answer was to haul himself up onto his saddle.

When Jensen finally stole a look, Jared was bent low over Ash's neck, whispering to him with a warm smile on his face.

-=-=-=-


	2. Chapter 2

It was a cool afternoon, but that was good for a long ride. The forecast called for rain, but Jensen didn't mind. They spent so much of their year in sweltering heat, the rain was a welcome relief.

They rode in silence for a while. Jensen didn't mind. Fewer words meant fewer opportunities for him to say something wrong. Jensen knew that Jared enjoyed riding as much as he did. He seemed in his element.

Ash walked calmly next to Liberty, nudging him with his muzzle occasionally. At least, the horses seemed to be able to get along.

By the time they'd ridden about a mile of fence, Jensen could sense Jared looking over at him every so often. That was how it always started. No matter what mood Jared was in, his desire to talk always seemed to get the better of him.

Finally, Jensen caught Jared's eyes and smiled. Silent permission.

"Why do you still do this?" Jared asked. As soon as the question passed his lips, he averted his gaze.

"Do what?"

"Ride the fences."

Jensen took a deep breath and sat back a bit on his saddle. "Man. That's a tough one-"

"- it's okay if you don't want to talk about it."

Jensen shook his head. "Nah. I just mean it's hard to explain. It's a bit about staying in touch with his land. The safety of the horses too."

"You have a lot of other people who could take care of it," Jared said.

"I do. It's peaceful. Out here, it's quieter, it's simple. I know what I need to do." Jensen shrugged and reached down to pat Liberty's shoulder.

"Then why am I here?"

Frowning, Jensen looked over at Jared. He liked the way the late afternoon sun made Jared's hair look as though it had streaks of blonde running through it.

"Comin' out here always makes me feel better. Puts a smile on my face." 

When Jared looked up, Jensen smiled at him. "You don't look happy as often these days. I thought it might make you feel better too."

Jensen looked up ahead at the fences, steeling himself for whatever Jared might say.

"Well, I like workin' here."

Jensen could feel the _but_ lingering at the end of Jared's answer. "And?"

Jared shifted on his saddle, then tugged at the front of his t-shirt. He did that when he was nervous. The fact that Jensen knew that made him smile.

"And. You confused me," Jared said. "You're hard to figure out."

"Not really. Nothin' complex about me."

"I _hate_ when you do that. You always try to make it seem like you're some shallow person. You're not." Jared either sounded confident or frustrated, Jensen found it hard to tell the difference at times.

Jensen concentrated on the gentle roll of Liberty's gait as he tried to figure out what to say. It surprised him, the amount of time he spent trying to sort through the thoughts in his head, so they'd be easier to put into words.

Jared lifted his hat and swept his hair back out of his eyes as he glanced surreptitiously at Jensen. 

"I don't know if you're a good judge of character, Jared. I didn't turn out to be who you thought I was."

Jared's gaze snapped to Jensen and he swore under his breath.

 _There_ it was. Jensen felt as though it was a dice roll every time he tried to speak to Jared.

"Because it's _deliberate_ ," Jared said.

Uncertain of exactly what was _deliberate_ , Jensen thought it was better to go back to being quiet.

Jared obviously wasn't done though. "When I met you, I thought you were an asshole. I _expected_ you to be. And you? You just kept tryin' to prove me wrong. But, it's like, as soon as I believed you, you figured you'd fucked up somehow and should try and convince me otherwise."

Jensen tugged Liberty to a stop and slid down out of the saddle. His back was starting to ache, and Jared's words were making him want to race away at a gallop. He was less likely to cause more damage with his boots on the ground rather than in the stirrups.

He gave Jared, what he hoped, was the kind of smile that would convey that he didn't know what the hell to say.

Returning the smile, Jared dismounted and fell into step beside Jensen.

How could Jensen ever explain what went on in his head? That it was as though there were two people. There was the person his father had always told him he was: a pretty, spoiled boy with no brains and even less common sense. No better than an animal, in fact, less reliable.

And, there was the man Jensen thought he might have become: caring, thoughtful, loving, and easily hurt. That was the person he pushed away because it was better than having to open himself up to more pain from the people in his life. 

He didn't even think of saying any of that out loud.

Tears burned Jensen's eyes and he cleared his throat. Then he yanked his hat off so he could rub his hand over his flattened hair.

Jared said nothing, he just walked in step with Jensen for a while. Their hands brushed together a couple of times and that simple, accidental tough ignited a throbbing pain in Jensen's chest. He couldn't help thinking that things should be so much simpler than they were.

Jared's hand caught Jensen's shoulder and stopped him. Liberty tossed his head and Jensen let go of the reins. He smiled at Jared again as he looked up into his eyes and shook his head slowly as his eyes began to burn again.

He didn’t know how to do whatever the _hell_ it was that Jared wanted him to do, _needed_ him to do. He really was every bit as useless as his father had always said.

Right there in front of him was the most beautiful soul in the world. Jensen didn't even know why Jared was still there. The man should have run for the hills at the first opportunity. But, no. There he was, inches away, hand gently clasped over Jensen's shoulder, warm hazel eyes glinting in the setting sun.

It felt like Jared was looking into Jensen's mind, peeling back all the layers and trying to find him.

Jensen tried to swallow past the lump lodged in his throat as his fingers tightened on the brim of his hat. He looked down at the red soil at their feet.

Jared ducked down slightly and leaned in to catch Jensen's mouth beneath his own.

The first touch made Jensen's lashes flutter closed, sent heat tingling along every inch of his flesh. He gasped and the moment his lips parted, Jared deepened the kiss and pressed closer to his chest.

Heart pounding in his ears, Jensen could feel himself trembling. He didn't even know why. Was it the way Jared's mouth burned against his? The way their lips moved so fluidly? The way the kiss felt so amazing? Or was it the way he wished he could just open his brain and let all his thoughts and feelings pour out in front of Jared.

Jared's hot tongue slid past Jensen's teeth at the same time as his hand moved to cup the back of Jensen's neck.

There was nothing about the way Jared was kissing him that felt hesitant or undecided. The surety of it slithered down Jensen's body and nudged away the tight pain in his chest.

For once, Jensen let himself be held there, present. He kissed Jared back, leaning into his strength as he felt his knees go a little weak.

Finally, Jared withdrew slightly. He smiled and it wasn't until he lifted his fingers to Jensen's cheeks that he was even aware there were tears there to wipe away.

Jensen licked his lips and could taste Jared there. He forced a wavering smile onto his face and cleared his throat. How the fuck did he talk to Jared?

Smiling, Jared took a step back and bent to retrieve Jensen's Stetson from the ground.

He hadn't even noticed that he'd dropped it.

Fingers pinching the crown of the hat, Jared grinned as he settled it back on Jensen's head.

The dimples on Jared's cheeks took Jensen's breath away all over again. "That smile," he said in a gruff voice. "That's the one I hadn't seen in a while."

That smile lit up Jensen's fucking world.

Looking a little shy, Jared shrugged and released Jensen so they could start walking again. "C'mon."

 _How do I talk to Jared?_ Jensen asked himself the same question over and over as they walked the fence.

-=-=-=-

It was almost sundown when the rain started. They'd covered a lot of ground, fixed a couple of fences. The conversation had flowed smoother the longer they were riding. Jensen was enjoying the lack of tension between them. It felt good.

The disastrous encounter in Austin seemed long forgotten, as far as Jensen could tell.

They both complained as they began the ride home in the rain. But Jensen knew that Jared didn't really mind getting a little wet any more than he did.

The last of the sunlight filtered through the storm clouds as Jensen found he couldn't take his eyes off Jared.

"We've got to stop with the rainy rides," Jared said as he lifted his hat to push the damp strands of hair off his face.

Chuckling, Jensen pressed his right leg to Liberty to get him to move away slightly. It was easier to see Jared from a distance.

The long ride gave Jensen ample time to study Jared. He looked like he'd been born to ride. Ash was a tall horse, and Jared sat forward slightly in the saddle. His shoulders were relaxed, the reins loose in his hands. Every so often he would wipe the rainwater from his face.

He looked happy again and Jensen didn't want that to change. There was something about knowing Jared was happy that made Jensen feel good. He _wanted_ to be able to put a smile on Jared's face, to make him laugh, he wanted to be someone that Jared was comfortable around.

He could manage it when they were out riding out there on the land, Jensen could forget about all the other people who complicated things. He could forget all the pressures and stresses, all the reminders that he probably wasn't the right person for Jared.

In fact, when he saw Jared riding Ash through the rain like he was having one of the best days of his life, Jensen could forget a lot of things.

They rode in that comfortable silence most of the way back to the Ranch house. They dismounted at the fork in the road. Straight ahead was the ranch house and the main barn, to the left was the cabin where all the ranch hands resided. All the rooms were lit up, all the hands probably in for the night because it was raining.

They stood there in the rain for a while and Jensen realized how much he wanted their time together to keep going. He didn't want the day to end. "Come in for a while, warm up by the fire."

Jared tugged at the shirt that was now plastered to him like a second skin. "I should put Ash up, let Matt know I'm back."

Ash knickered and paced around to nose at Liberty's flank.

Smiling, Jensen gestured to the horses. "Leave him up at the main barn tonight. Let 'im keep Liberty company."

Furrows appeared across Jared's brow as he looked down at Jensen. He looked a little confused… as though he was about to be back on uncertain ground again. "I don’t know if that's a good idea, Jensen."

They weren't talking about the horses anymore. Jensen knew that. They were talking about being alone together, the huge fireplace in Jensen's suite. They were talking about how great the day had been and how quickly things seemed to get derailed between the two of them.

Jensen stepped up close to Jared. His trembling fingers slid along Jared's shirt to settle at his hip. "Please, Jared."

After a deep breath, Jared looked down and Jensen felt like he was losing him.

"Jared." Jensen paused to lick the rainwater from his lips. "I feel better out here next to you, frozen and half-drowned than I feel anywhere else."

When Jared met Jensen's gaze again, his eyes were wide. He pressed his lips together.

"Just… let's stable the horses together up here. Come in and stay with me for a while." _For five minutes. For a fucking year._ Jensen didn't care how long Jared stayed. He just wanted another chance to put the smile back on Jared's lips. He wanted to believe they could have all the things that seemed to be just out of reach.

Jared caught his bottom lip under his teeth. He glanced down the road at the ranch hands cabin, then over at the big house. He looked back at Jensen, something open and vulnerable in his expression.

The strange ache was back in the middle of Jensen's chest. He closed his eyes for a moment to try and ward off the refusal he knew was coming.

"Okay."

A spike in Jensen's heart rate made him suck in a quick breath. He opened his eyes and grinned. He couldn't help it. "Okay? Good. Let's…"

Shaking his head fondly, Jared picked up the reins for both horses and headed towards the stable.

-=-=-=-

It took some time for Jensen to get the fire going once he was in his suite. He'd grabbed some towels, texted Matt and J.D. to let them know that he and Jared were back while Jared retrieved beer and snacks from the kitchen.

"I left some sweats and a t-shirt in the bathroom, you know, if you want to change," Jensen said when Jared had arrived laden with refreshments.

The first thing he'd done when Jared had headed to the kitchen was dry off and change into his house pants. He figured Jared would want to be comfortable. He _hoped_ he would want to be comfortable.

"Thanks." Jared dumped his spoils onto the coffee table and headed to the bathroom.

Jensen got settled on the couch and popped open a couple of beers. Jared had brought some crackers and a hunk of cheese. No knife. Chuckling, Jensen shook out some crackers and tore off some cheese.

"I forgot the knife," Jared said as he emerged from the bathroom dressed in Jensen's clothes.

"No problem," Jensen mumbled with his mouth full. He chewed, swallowed and grinned. "I feel very manly tearing chunks of cheese off.

The grin was back on Jared's face as he joined Jensen on the couch. "Thanks for the clothes."

"Don't want you to catch pneumonia."

"I appreciate that. I gotta say though, until the part where I started to freeze my ass off, I enjoyed the rain."

"Me too." Jensen took a sip of beer and stared into the fire as the flames grew.

"Listen, Jensen," Jared began as he turned to face him. "I didn't really thank you properly. For Ash. I love that horse and… well… thank you."

Jensen smiled and held out his beer so Jared could tap his own to it. "You're very welcome. He wouldn't be happy with any other cowboy."

"Maybe," Jared said. He was still smiling as he looked down at his beer. "I was gonna ask if I could buy Spirit from you too, once I-"

"- No way!" Jensen said without even thinking about it. Spirit was special to him for _so_ many reasons. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to sound-"

Jensen noticed there was a smirk on Jared's face.

"Asshole," Jensen murmured fondly. Clearly, Jared was teasing him, and he wasn't used to that yet.

"Oh, come on," Jared said warmly. "It's adorable how much you love that colt."

Smiling, Jensen leaned back on the couch and got more comfortable. "He's a special little guy."

"I know." Jared kicked his bare feet up onto the coffee table.

For once, Jared didn't ask for more and for some strange reason that seemed to make it easier to speak. "I didn't think he was gonna make it. Then you showed up and we saved him. We did that together."

Jared nodded.

"But it's more than that. You and I were good at that moment, that kiss." With an exaggerated flair, Jensen pressed his hand to his chest as though he could still feel it.

Jared chuckled.

"Then you told me to leave."

Jensen nodded. He still wasn't sure that his decision had been wrong. Jensen shrugged a shoulder and stared into the flames. "You make me a little crazy."

"Yeah."

"I… bein' around you can be so… perfect. Like today. When I see you ridin' Ash with that smile on your face." Jensen nodded to himself although he couldn't quite put it all into words.

Jared reached out and threaded his fingers through Jensen's. "And there are times when I make you feel like hell."

Jensen chuckled and tightened his grip on Jared's fingers in case he thought about changing his mind. "It's not you. I guess I just. Fuck, it's stupid."

"What?" Jared pulled his leg up onto the couch as he turned to face Jensen.

Jensen closed his eyes for a few moments. "I. When I disappoint you, take that smile off your face. I hate it. I get this ache." Jensen gestured to the center of his chest with his beer bottle.

"Then don't do it," Jared said with a gentle smile on his face.

If only it were that easy, Jensen thought. "You know what I'm like, Jared."

Silent for a while, Jared set his bottle down on the coffee table, then did the same with Jensen's. "Yeah. I think I do know what you're like."

When their eyes met, Jensen felt his blood begin to crawl through his veins. He looked down at their hands, Jared's long fingers twined through his. "Thank you. For today."

There were a hundred other things he wanted to be able to say. He wished he could explain the heat that blossomed low in his belly when Jared's hair fell forward into his face. He wanted to be able to explain the overwhelming sense of relief that washed over him sometimes when he realized Jared was still there at the ranch. He wished he could explain that even though he didn't know how to _fix_ himself, he'd never even cared about that until he'd realized how much he wanted to keep that lopsided grin on Jared's face.

Jared leaned in and pressed his lips to the corner of Jensen's mouth. He shifted, crawling forward slowly until Jensen had no choice but to lie down on the sofa.

"Jare…" A hurricane of feelings was slamming around in Jensen's body.

"It's alright," Jared murmured against Jensen's mouth.

Jensen was halfway to wondering _what_ exactly was okay when Jared settled his weight down.

All of Jared was pressing down on Jensen and for a few moments, he was so overwhelmed by it all that he forgot how to breathe.

Their bodies fit together perfectly. As Jared's mouth moved in time with Jensen's, his hands slid under Jensen's t-shirt to slide up over his ribs. He moaned, the sound dense and deep and his hips pressed down against Jensen's.

It was one of those moments in life that Jensen knew would stay with him. Nothing before had ever felt the way it felt to be lying there under Jared's body. He felt completely out of control, free, relieved and a thousand other things. His heart pounded relentlessly, his cock already half-hard and throbbing against the firmness of Jared's thigh. He could feel adrenaline buzzing through his veins and wanted to bolt for the door at the same time as he breathed _yes_ into Jared's ear.

So quickly, Jensen found himself with his hands moving over every part of Jared he could reach. His fingers slipped into Jared's hair, holding on so tightly Jared hissed against his lips. His free hand mapped those broad shoulders, the valley at the small of his back and finally, the hard curve of his ass.

When Jared's teeth sank into Jensen's bottom lip, the pain of it morphed into pleasure so quickly that Jensen's head began to spin.

It wasn't long before they seemed to run out of room on the couch. Jared had one foot planted on the floor and Jensen was crushed against the pillows. But he wasn't going to suggest that they moved because, _God_ , if Jared stopped touching him there would be serious consequences.

And just at that moment, Jared groaned and clambered to his feet. He stood there, swaying slightly, staring down at Jensen with dark eyes.

"God," Jensen murmured. He'd known it would stop, it always stopped. But, _fuck_ , it felt like his spine was about to snap in half and his cock was so hard it hurt.

Jared held out his hand and hauled Jensen up to his feet.

For his part, Jensen tried to get his breathing under control. He ran his hand over his hair and forced a smile onto his face.

Walking backward a few steps, Jared tugged Jensen with him. His dark eyes were locked on Jensen's, his cheeks rubbed red from Jensen's stubble.

The vision of Jared like that made Jensen's tongue dance across his bottom lip as he let himself be pulled forward.

It wasn't until they passed the end of the couch that Jensen realized Jared was guiding them towards the bed.

A little bit of anxiety made Jensen's eyes dart towards the door before his gaze landed back on Jared's again. "Jared, I-"

"- it's okay," Jared said quickly. He turned and headed over to the bed, still pulling Jensen along behind him.

Jensen knew that he should ask _what_ was okay. He _knew_ it. And, even as he watched Jared sink down onto the bed, he knew he wasn't going to say anything that might stop the direction they were headed in.

He slipped his fingers under the hem of the borrowed t-shirt Jared was wearing then pulled it up and off. He stepped forward, standing there between Jared's legs as he worked his own shirt off. He tossed it aside and slid his hands up Jared's arms then across his shoulders. All that skin was smooth and warm under his palms.

The fire was heating up the whole room and Jensen leaned down to kiss the sweat glistening on Jared's forehead. The moment his lips touched Jared's flesh he felt strong hands on his thighs. Like he weighed nothing at all, Jared lifted him and pulled him forward onto his lap.

Straddling Jared's thighs, Jensen just _let_ Jared hold him there because it set his spine on fire. He wasn't used to being the one who was _handled_ and even as he fought the urge to turn the tables, he felt himself pressing closer to Jared, leaning in.

Long fingers slipped under the waistband of Jensen's pants, pushing the material down. And, for the first time that night, Jensen managed to quiet the voices in his mind. All his caution led away as Jared's lips dragged a hot, wet path down his exposed throat.

-=-=-=-

When the early morning sunlight woke Jensen, he had about a minute of blissful peace. He was pressed up against Jared's back, tucked in and warm. His fingers were splayed out on Jared's stomach and all he could smell was _them_.

Jared shifted in his sleep, rolling forwards slightly and Jensen felt his chest begin to tighten.

He could still taste Jared's mouth, feel the roughness of palms on his chest, the way Jared's mouth had enveloped his aching shaft.

"Jesus Christ," Jensen whispered. He withdrew his hand slowly and slipped out of bed.

He got dressed as quickly and quietly as he could. All he could think about was getting J.D. out of the house before his friend realized what had happened. Why? Because he'd fucked up. He could already taste the bitter flavor of regret in his mouth. _Fuck._ It had been good though. The feel of Jared's hands on him, the way Jared sounded when he came.

And now? There was a man lying in Jensen's bed who was expecting him to be something he'd never been. And that was when anxiety welled up inside Jensen until he started to feel a little like he was drowning.

He slipped out of the bedroom, ran his hands over his hair a couple of times and headed for the kitchen.

Luck definitely wasn't on Jensen's side. As he rounded the corner into the kitchen, he came face to face with J.D. He was in his usual spot, stalking the coffee that automatically started brewing at five in the morning. Of _course_ he was. J.D. was there damn near every morning, and the world never seemed to see its way fit to cutting Jensen any slack.

"Mornin', Jensen," J.D. said in his _it's-too-early_ voice.

"Hey." Jensen headed over to the stove and started breakfast. "Eggs?"

"Sure. M'hungry. Was up late."

"Yeah?" As he put some oil in the frying pan, Jensen berated himself for even answering. The less said, the better. He just needed J.D. out of the house before Jared emerged.

The coffee machine fussed and spit as J.D. stole a cup before it had even filled half the pot. "Matt was worried last night. Made me get up in the middle of a good fuckin' movie to go out in the rain and check the barn."

"The barn? Everything okay?" Jensen paused with an egg in his hand poised just above the frying pan.

J.D.'s boots scuffed across the kitchen floor, a chair squeaked and his mug thunked down on the table. "He was checkin' the outer barn. Noticed Jay's tack and Ash were gone."

"Ah." Jensen turned his back on J.D. and focused intently on cracking eggs into the frying pan.

The only sound for a while was that of the eggs sizzling. Jensen stood at the stove, certain he could feel J.D.'s gaze boring a hole in his back.

"Come to find out, Jay's horse was stabled up here at the house," J.D. said in the kind of steady tone that made Jensen's jaw clench tightly.

Jensen sniffed and poked an egg with the spatula. "We were ridin' the fences. Gave him Ash, took him out to celebrate."

"Uh huh." J.D. managed to make the two syllables about as judgmental as humanly possible.

"We got caught in the storm," Jensen said at the same time as he tried to ignore the voice in his head yelling at him to shut up. After all, it really wasn't J.D.'s business. They were all adults. Things happened. And, it didn't have to become a huge problem. It didn't have to change anything at all.

"Right," J.D. answered softly. The complete absence of judgment in _that_ word made Jensen's stomach knot up. But, why would J.D. be surprised? Why the _hell_ would he be surprised at any of the mistakes Jensen had made? He seemed to make the same ones over and over, and for some reason, J.D. stayed around to watch the train wreck.

"It's not what you think," Jensen said unconvincingly as he finished up the eggs and plated them.

Jensen didn't even know what _he_ thought, let alone what was going through Jeff's mind. He sighed and stared down at the plates in front of him on the counter. He couldn't look J.D. in the eye if he was going to get out anything coherent.

The kitchen was too damned silent. The coffee pot ticked quietly, the fridge motor started up, J.D. said nothing. When Jensen swallowed, he winced at the tightness in his throat. "I slept with him, okay? This isn't some big thing you need to worry about-"

"- Jensen," J.D. interrupted.

"Let me finish," Jensen bit off. "It didn't mean anything. _Nothing_ changes. He's not. This… it's nothing." It was all wrong, it was about as close to a lie as Jensen had over told his best friend, but it was also what he needed to believe. He could feel his carefully constructed walls rattling around him.

"Really." But it wasn't J.D.'s voice this time. It was Jared.

The cold dread that poured down over Jensen's body made him close his eyes tightly for a few moments. He took a deep breath, steeled himself and turned around.

Jared was standing in the doorway. He was dressed in his own jeans and boots, but the t-shirt was the one he'd borrowed from Jensen the night before. He gripped the brim of his hat so tightly; his knuckles were white.

"Don't get angry again," Jensen said as calmly as he could. "I don't even know what I'm saying half the time."

Already shaking his head, Jared sighed. "You _do_ though. That's the thing. But I knew that goin' in. This one is on me." Jared settled his hat on his head and glanced over at J.D. briefly before looking back at Jensen. "I'm not angry. I get it now."

"Jared-" Jensen was silenced by the hand Jared held up and the hurt look on his face. The _wrong_ of it all burned in his guts.

Jared nodded to J.D. and left.

J.D. blew out a long, slow breath as he tapped his fingertips against the side of his coffee mug. He didn't look up and he stayed quiet.

When Jensen felt like he could use his hands without them shaking, he picked up one of the plates and walked over to set it down in front of J.D. He sat down across from him.

Staring down at the eggs in front of him, J.D. moved his fork slightly, then repositioned his knife.

Jensen shook his head slowly. This would be the end. It was clear to him the moment he'd seen the hurt in Jared's eyes. He'd known Jared would leave, known it would be too much. He'd finally proved it. Perhaps, he'd made his own destiny.

And, the relief he had expected didn't come. There was no weight lifted from his shoulders, no feeling that he was free or that everything was about to return to normal. He felt nothing like that. There was something unfamiliar and frantic building up in him, something that felt much more like drowning than being set free.

"I'm gonna say somethin'," J.D. said softly.

Jensen looked up, worrying his bottom lip with his teeth. When J.D. stayed silent, just fixing him with his dark gaze Jensen nodded almost imperceptibly.

J.D. pushed his plate aside and sniffed. "If this thing. If he means anything to you at all? You gotta get your ass out there and find something to say to him. Tell that boy somethin' that's gonna make him believe that you _at least_ have the fuckin' capacity to _want_ to change. Even if you don't have a clue how to do it. You give him that much. Or." J.D. shrugged.

"Or what?" Jensen's voice wavered as he tried to fight the dread pressing in on him.

"Or ya let him go now." J.D.'s expression softened, and he leaned back in his chair. "Let him go."

All the things Jensen had pushed away over the years were lurking just out of reach. Memories like wild animals lurking, waiting to strike.

Jensen just sat there at the table, stared down at his hands and tried to focus on breathing in and out steadily. He had no idea what he could say to Jared even if he _could_ get himself to move.

He could feel himself begin to breathe a little faster, clenched his hands into fists and looked up at J.D. There was nothing on J.D.'s face that gave away what he thought should happen; in fact, it was impossible to tell whether or not he even had an opinion.

Closing his eyes, Jensen swallowed around the lump that was lodged in his throat. He took a deep breath and pushed his chair back and bolted for the door.

He skidded around the kitchen door and bolted down the hallway before bursting through the back door. He blinked a few times in the bright sunlight, then spotted Jared on his way towards the Ranch Hand's house. He bolted after him. "Jared!"

Jared's step faltered slightly but he kept walking and Jensen ran up until he was about five feet behind him. "Jared?"

Jared finally stopped but he didn't turn around. He squared his shoulders and clenched his fists at his sides.

And, it was time for Jensen to say something, but he hadn't gotten that far in his head. Hell, he hadn't gotten any further than the overwhelming urge to run after Jared and he hadn't the slightest idea where that had come from.

The muscles across Jared's shoulders tensed and he looked as though he was about to start walking again.

Jensen ran his hands down his face and groaned. His heart was pounding against his ribcage. "When my mama died, I cried for hours. I was so angry and… and I was terrified. I was eleven years old. All I wanted was for someone to just hold onto me and tell me everything would be okay." Jensen's throat tightened and he pressed his lips together for a moment before continuing. 

"My _father_ told me not to act like a little faggot. That was the first time he backhanded me. Felt like my eye was gonna explode right outta my head. Because I cried over losing my mama."

Jared's shoulders slumped slightly but he didn't turn around.

Jensen's entire body was trembling as he took a step closer to Jared so he could lower his voice. These things he was saying were raw and scraped bare; it was too much to be said too loud in the bright light of day.

"He could see something in me back then. All those years ago and he saw that I was weak; I was _less than_ everyone else. When I told him years later that I was gay, I expected him to be furious. Fuck, I expected it to hurt him, make him feel a little of the disappointment that I'd always felt. But, he knew. He'd always known somehow."

Jensen's voice broke and he could feel the way he was trembling. It was a twist of adrenaline and emotion that was making him feel ill. He reached out a shaking hand and pressed it against Jared's strong back. He could feel the heat of him through the t-shirt, the way his muscles moved slightly as he breathed.

Jensen cleared his throat. "I took care of another colt once. He was sick when he was born, I guess. I was still too young to really understand. I'd spend days feeding it, trying to get it to walk. I. I-" Jensen swallowed again and squinted against the burn in his eyes.

"I loved that horse. One day, my Dad came into the barn, dragged me away from it, and handed me a shotgun. I stood there forever, holding that gun and. And. I was just staring at the colt, but I couldn't shoot him."

"He finally shoved me out of the way, knocked me down, took the gun and shot him. I'll never forget the sound of… that shot. It sounded like it was everywhere."

Jared tried to turn, and Jensen grabbed him to stop him. He couldn't see the expression on Jared's face, no matter what it was.

Jensen sniffed and clenched his jaw lightly for a few moments.

"Took me ages to get up off the floor of that barn. I walked right back up to the house, knowing I would just have to _survive_ living with… that man. Because there was something wrong with _me_ too, he'd already told me that. And, if I wasn't perfect, I was… worthless."

Jensen finally took a deep breath and leaned forward until his forehead was resting against Jared's shoulder blade.

The muscles in Jared's back tensed again, but before he could try once more to turn around, Jensen grabbed both his arms and held him still. He took a deep breath, drawing in the familiar scent of Jared as he stood there trembling. "I've been fucked up a long time, Jared. I don't think I can be what you want me to be. I'm sorry. I _really_ am sorry."

The world around Jensen began to blur as tears welled in his eyes. The next breath he took was more of a full body shudder than anything else. He let go of Jared, turned and headed back towards the house.

He couldn't hear Jared following him. Should that be a surprise? Of course not. Jensen had given Jared no reason to want to stay, and on top of that he'd blurted out some of his worst memories as though that would make everything better or an excuse for why he was so fucked up. He rubbed at his eyes furiously, until he could see where he was going. "Fuckin' stupid."

Trudging up the path, Jensen felt shame nipping at his heels. He'd never been enough for his father and maybe the man had been right after all. Maybe there really was something wrong with him, something wrong with him, something that would always drive other people away. But then, _he_ was responsible for that. Jared had tried to reach him. It was Jensen who had made all the mistakes, made the wrong choices, said the wrong things.

He slammed his hands into the door to the house and shoved it open. He strode back up the hallway and straight into the kitchen.

Startled, J.D. looked up from his breakfast when Jensen stormed into the room. "Jen?"

The lump was back in Jensen's throat instantly and he headed over to the sinks. He leaned heavily on his knuckles trying to stop the trembling that was threatening to overtake him.

Jensen heard J.D.'s chair move and squared his shoulders. "Fuck, J.D. I don't even know what I'm doin' anymore."

There were footsteps behind him, and Jensen let out a shaky sigh. "I just. I feel like it's all been me waitin' for him to realize he was right all along. I'm no good. Jared was right when he first met me. Just like all the stuff my father said over the years. He was right too. I'm just shit."

All Jensen could hear was the sound of his own shallow breaths. There really wasn't much more to be said.

"I don't know much about you, Jensen," came Jared's voice from behind him. "But you're not shit."

At the sound of Jared's voice, all the muscles in Jensen's chest tightened to the point where he almost couldn't breathe. "I didn't know you were –"

"- it's okay."

Jensen heard footsteps again, probably J.D. giving them some privacy. He couldn’t help closing his eyes. His knuckles were beginning to burn where they were pressed to the counter. "It's _not_ okay, that's the only thing I _do_ know. I get that part."

The warm weight of Jared's hand settled down on Jensen's shoulder. "Jensen, I'm not goin' anywhere. But, you gotta find a way to be _with_ me, a way to talk to me. I don't need to know everything, but I want to know you."

Nodding almost imperceptibly, Jensen resisted the urge to turn around. His jaw was clenched so tightly, he felt like he might crack his own teeth.

Jared's thumb ghosted over Jensen's stubble and he leaned forward to press a kiss just in front of Jensen's ear. Then the warmth of his body was gone.

There was so much going on in Jensen's mind that he couldn't even make sense of it. He squeezed his eyes shut and focused on the way Jared's touch had made him feel. The slightest, lingering touch and Jensen could _feel_ the way that Jared cared about him. It was terrifying and calming at the same time.

There was silence for a few moments and then Jensen heard Jared leave.

He blew out a breath, his lungs aching because he'd been holding it for too long. There was already a question surfacing in his mind above all the others.

_How do I talk to Jared?_

-=-=-=-

There were many reasons why Jensen hadn't spoken to Jared for a couple of days. He could probably come up with a list of excuses as long as his arm if he tried.

The truth was mostly that Jensen hadn't figured anything out. He was no closer to knowing what to do than he had been the first time Jared had kissed him.

True to his word, Jared hadn't gone anywhere. In his not-so-subtle style, J.D. had made sure he was informed of Jared's whereabouts.

Jensen just kept to himself for a while, worked, tried not to obsess over things and seemed to find himself only doing a mediocre job at everything.

One thing he did know was that he missed Jared. He missed his smile, the way he was always covered in dirt or bruises. He missed the way Jared could just stand beside him quietly. There was a lot to miss about him.

It was the long list of things he missed that had finally propelled Jensen out toward the training corral.

The sun was so bright he was squinting as he walked across the front lot. He'd been up on the porch for a while, watching Jared work with a new Stallion.

He was beautiful.

The horse was beautiful.

Well.

As he got closer to the corral, Jensen realized he had timed it well. Jared was alone with the stallion.

It took a ridiculous amount of willpower for Jensen to keep putting one boot in front of the other. It wasn't like he had the slightest idea of what he was going to say. No idea whatsoever.

The stallion reared up in front of Jared, dust swirling around him in a minor tornado. Jared stood his ground. His brow was furrowed, sweat glistened on his forehead and he was concentrating intently on the stallion. His hat had been tossed aside carelessly even though the day was a scorcher. Why? Jensen knew it was because Jared felt he couldn't get close enough to the horse with it on.

Jensen tipped his own hat off and set it on the fence post before he climbed over the fence and dropped down into the corral.

He watched Jared and the stallion a while longer, waited until the horse trotted to the far side of the corral then walked over to Jared.

The dark-colored horse circled back around and stopped in front of Jared.

"His name's _Luck of The Draw_ ," Jared said as he lifted a hand. That sent the horse off in another circuit of his corral.

"Beautiful," Jensen said. Again… the horse. Jensen sighed.

"He is. He's another rescue. J.D. got him from Austin rescue. They got him off a farm somewhere east of here. He was skin and bones when he first showed up. They got him fed up then contacted us. Of course, J.D. said you'd take him."

"Think he's gonna be okay?" Jensen wiped the sweat from his brow with his forearm.

For a few moments, Jared watched the horse pace around the corral. He nodded once. "Yeah. He isn't convinced of that yet, but I'll believe for the both of us until he is."

The words felt like weights settling down on Jensen's shoulders and he suddenly found it difficult to swallow. "You think maybe you could do that for me too?"

Jared's gaze met Jensen's for a moment then he looked back across the corral. He rubbed his forearm carefully as though it ached.

"It's a big ask," Jensen began again when the silence felt like it was going on too long. "I know that. And, I'm not even sure I know where to start. All this stuff. I've never told anyone what I told you. And, I can already feet it… it's – I feel like if I start picking at the knots it's all going to unravel."

Eyes still on the horse, Jared nodded. He sighed and shifted his weight.

It was stupid of Jensen to think that Jared would keep waiting around for him to sort out his shit; he knew that. And now he was asking Jared for even more.

Jensen closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. He was _so_ tired of being… a mess.

Jared turned slightly and nodded once more. "I kind of think life is like that. We unravel the shit and when we try and put it back together, we hope it comes out a little better."

There was a tinge of hope in the next breath that Jensen drew in. The fact that Jared would still speak to him was a miracle, as far as he was concerned. "You know? I can hear a hundred good things about myself but it's always the bad things that get lodged in my head."

"Some voices are louder than others. Some of them hurt a hell of a lot more too." Jared stepped back slightly until his shoulder was resting against Jensen's.

It was something that Jensen could focus on. The warm strength in Jared's presence at his side made him feel a little like he might be able to make it through all the crap he'd have to sort out.

Both men watched the stallion for a while. He trotted around for a while. He circled the corral a couple of times then stopped about ten feet away from them.

Jensen glanced over at Jared, eyebrows raised slightly.

"Go ahead," Jared agreed.

Holding his hand out, Jensen took a step forward. He clucked his tongue quietly and studied the stallion's demeanor.

The horse snorted, then shook his head. His long ears flicked forward, and he pawed at the ground. He began to move forward slowly, still watchful, huge, black, eyes moving between Jared and Jensen.

Finally, the soft velvet of the horse's muzzle brushed against Jensen's palm. The horse's breath was warm, the hair on his nose tickling Jensen's fingers.

"Hey, you." Jensen moved slowly and deliberately and settled his free hand on the horse's neck. The muscles quivered against his palm. "You'll be okay here."

With the sun warm on his hair, the dusty air, the feel of the smooth horse hair against his palm, Jensen felt himself relax a little. That soft muzzle made all the worries in his mind a little more distant, a little easier to ignore.

Jared stepped closer, his chest settled against Jensen's back and let his arm slowly snake around Jensen's waist. He was a solid, silent warmth at Jensen's back.

Letting go of the past was a terrifying thing. It was letting go of one rope and flying through the air without knowing where he would land.

The stallion knickered and nudged at Jensen's shoulder.

"The horses always like you," Jared murmured against Jensen's ear.

All that warm breath and the rumble of Jared's voice against his back made goosebumps prickle on Jensen's neck.

"Don't have to try with them," Jensen said without thinking. He reached down and covered Jared's arm with his own.

"You don't have to try with me either, you just haven't figured that out yet."

There had been a lot of things said to Jensen over the years, but for some reason, he believed this one. It was a remarkable feeling, just that simple belief that Jared meant what he said.

It was good.

It was a beginning.

-=-=-==


	3. Chapter 3

It wasn't as though things changed overnight. Jensen hadn't expected them to. But he aimed at making things different.

At first, he stuck to lingering around when Jared was working. He would bide his time until Jared looked like he was ready for a break, then Jensen would bring him water or offer him some help with whatever he was working on.

J.D. noticed that things had changed. That was obvious by the smile that crept onto his face when he would see Jensen heading down to the corral where Jared was working. He played his hand close to his chest though. Apart from that smile, J.D. kept his opinions to himself.

After a couple of weeks of following Jared around the ranch, Jensen asked him up to the main house for a BBQ. It seemed innocent enough and Jensen decided it was a good place for them to start over again.

He'd been nervous at first. There was still a lot of time in every day when Jensen didn't know _what_ was going on in his own mind. But his nerves had passed quickly when Jared had arrived with some cold beer and cookies.

Jared had baked cookies.

They may not have been the best cookies in the world, but they tasted damned perfect to Jensen. He wasn't sure what was more adorable; the fact that Jared had baked at all that he'd been teased mercilessly by the other ranch hands for doing it.

Jared had assured Jensen that his mama had raised him right so he _knew_ there was no shame in baking. He added that his mama had also told him she figured it would be a good way to lure in a prospective partner.

_Partner._

The fact that Jensen was a prospective anything seemed like a positive thing to him. He hadn't really been able to stop smiling after that.

Jensen talked when he could that first night. When he couldn't, he would try to explain why he couldn't. Jared didn't push. Jensen didn't retreat and they fell into an easy rhythm of conversation. It felt good. It was something that Jensen could see himself doing often, something that felt comfortable and _do-able._

There had been a strange moment when their evening was winding up. They cleared up outside and took everything into the kitchen. They laughed and chatted while they did the dishes and lodged the leftovers in the fridge. It wasn't until everything was put away that Jensen realized he didn't really know how to end the evening.

He'd taken enough liberties with Jared's good nature that he wasn't about to make any assumptions.

And then, Jared had made everything okay. He stepped forward and slid a hand over Jensen's hip. He smiled. It was the kind of smile that made Jensen's knees feel a little weak.

"I had a great time, Jensen."

His lips pressed to Jensen's moving just enough to stir up all the buzzing attraction was always below the surface.

Jensen's body was still thrumming with energy long after Jared had gone.

-=-=-=-

After a few weeks, they were riding together every couple of days. And they talked.

Jensen began to unwind some of the memories he had from when he was younger. He found that it wasn't as difficult as he'd originally thought. It wasn't that things became easier to say; the words were still difficult to dredge up.

It was Jared that made all the difference. He just listened when Jensen told him something. He didn't comment, he very rarely asked questions. He would smile at Jensen sometimes. There were other times when he would reach out to touch Jensen, as though, somehow, he felt the need to be connected physically to Jensen.

The thing was, it was bearable: the talking. Jensen didn't feel like he was engaged in therapy or being interviewed for a biography. Very slowly, Jensen began to understand that Jared was simply getting to know him. It was like getting to the view at the top of a mountain. In order to get there, he and Jared would have to hike uphill for a fuck of a lot of miles.

As for their _relationship_ , Jensen was on less certain ground. There were some things he _did_ know. He liked to be near Jared. It didn't matter whether Jared was working, hanging out at the main house, or riding. Jensen felt more comfortable in his own skin when he could _see_ Jared. He felt a little like a satellite being drawn in by the gravity of a planet.

One night, J.D. bumped into Jensen in the kitchen. He had a case of beer and a bag of pretzels.

"You look like you're headin' out for some trouble," Jensen said. He smirked as he opened the fridge to look for something to eat.

"Those idiots over at the ranch hand's house are havin' a cook up."

"And you're takin' pretzels?"

"I don't trust those fuckers not to give me food poisoning."

"Good point," Jensen said. Unsuccessful in his quest for food, he closed the fridge.

"Ya wanna come with me?" J.D. asked. "It'd be nice for once not to be the only _boss man_ there."

Jensen knew for a fact that J.D. didn't think of himself as any further up the food chain than anyone else who worked on the ranch. He wasn't even the oldest; there were a couple old boys who'd been on the ranch as far back as Jensen could remember.

He didn't make a habit of socializing with the other ranch hands. Jensen liked to give them their space. But there was Jared too. He'd be there. Jensen hadn't seen Jared much during the day, so he hadn't spoken to him about his plans.

"Yeah," Jensen said after a while. He decided not to give himself any more time to come up with an excuse to avoid socializing.

"Let's go then. They've already got a head start on us."

It only took about fifteen minutes for Jensen to get his jacket and a bottle of wine, and they headed out.

The first sign that there was some fun being had was the sound of music. The twang of country music drifted out from behind the house. It wasn't Jensen's preference, but he didn't really care. A party was a party.

J.D. had obviously been to cookouts before. He bypassed the main door to the house and headed around the side.

Jensen was surprised when they emerged into the back-yard area. There were patio lights strung across the yard from wooden poles. Someone had built some benches out of leftover materials from the ranch. It looked more like a home than it had the last time Jensen had been there.

J.D. broke off to the left and headed to an old metal water tub full of ice.

A couple of guys wandered past and greeted Jensen, then he heard a burst of laughter from a group clustered near a fire roaring in an open pit.

Already feeling like he was in over his head, Jensen wandered over towards the fire. He spotted Jared easily. He was sitting on an old stump with a beer and rosy cheeks from laughing. His smile was bright as he listened to a story Matt was telling.

From what Jensen could tell, it was a story that Jensen had heard wind of. Matt and Jared had been riding out to search for one of the new horses that had escaped. A rattler had spooked Jared's horse. He'd been unseated quite spectacularly although he hadn't hurt more than his pride.

There was obviously more to the story. Matt was reaching the part of the tale at which Jared had landed in a ditch full of mud and disgusting water.

Jensen slid his free hand into his pockets and smiled as he listened to Matt.

"I swear to you guys. There was only a four-foot square area that was wet and that's exactly what that horse was aimin' for when he threw Jared."

"- he did _not_ aim," Jared interrupted. He was fiercely protective of Ash and it was endearing.

Matt laughed and continued the story, describing how Jared looked and how pissed off he'd been.

People were laughing, poking fun at Jared and it was clear that they liked him. That was good.

Feeling like a bit of an outsider, Jensen was just about to turn away when Jared spotted him.

Jared's eyes lit up like a kid on Christmas morning.

Yeah. That was another thing that Jensen loved. When Jared saw him, he always appeared to be a combination of surprised and happy. _Adorable_ was the word that came to mind, but it seemed odd to use that word to describe a tall, muscular ranch hand.

When the laughter died down a little, and Matt moved on to another tale, Jared slipped away and headed over to Jensen. He grabbed a glass on the way for the wine Jensen realized he was still holding.

Jared held out the plastic glass and produced a swiss army knife from his back pocket. "Open that for ya?"

"Sure." Jensen handed over the bottle and grinned at Jared.

It was clear that Jared had been having fun. His cheeks were ruddy, his eyes glistening in the light from the overhead lanterns. His hair was tousled and sweat glistened on his stubbled neck. Overall, a very good look. Not that Jared really had any _bad_ looks. The t-shirt he was wearing had a small stick person on it who was standing next to a stick horse. It was the saying that made Jensen laugh.

"Save a horse, ride a cowboy?" Jensen said.

The bottle glugged as Jared poured a glass for Jensen. There was a goofy grin on his face as he held out the glass. "It's a present from Matt. He said when he saw it that he thought of me."

Jensen took the glass and looked down. Sometimes, it was difficult to look at Jared without fighting the urge to reach out and touch him. "Good shirt."

It took a few moments for Jared to find somewhere to set the wine bottle, then he was back at Jensen's side. "You don't usually come to these things."

"I don't," Jensen answered. "Like to let everyone have fun without feelin' like I'm watchin' over them."

"They like ya. You're a good boss."

"I try."

Jared turned slightly so he could lean in a little closer. "It's good to have you here."

A smile crept onto Jensen's lips and he took a sip of wine. "I hoped you'd be here."

"Yeah?" Jared reached out for Jensen's hand then seemed to change his mind at the last second.

Of course, Jensen noticed. Of course, he made assumptions about it. Of course, he did. "If ya want me to take off, I get it."

"What?" Jared looked genuinely surprised.

"Me bein' here. I mean, I'm not tryin' to cramp your style."

"I don't really have a style," Jared said quietly.

Sighing, Jensen pressed his lips together for a few moments. "It's okay."

Jared moved around in front of Jensen so that they had no choice but to make eye contact. "What's okay, Jensen?"

Everything was okay. Whatever Jared wanted was okay. Jensen never wanted to make him feel uncomfortable or awkward. For all Jensen knew, no one else had any idea that Jared and Jensen were anything other than a rancher and a ranch hand.

Jensen cleared his throat. "You and me. I don't want to make anything awkward for you. You know?"

Jared's brow was furrowed even though he was still smiling. He took a deep breath then reached out and took Jensen's hand. "I wanted to do that as soon as I saw you. I just figured it was something. I just wasn't sure it would be okay."

Finding that he couldn't look into Jared's eyes, Jensen looked at their hands. He liked the way their fingers looked woven together. "It's pretty okay."

"Yeah?" The furrows left Jared's brow immediately.

Jensen nodded. "Don't go thinkin' you're gonna get any special treatment from the boss."

Laughing, Jared tugged Jensen towards the fire pit. "You must have some good stories about J.D."

"I heard that!" J.D. emerged from the crowd and threw a playful punch at Jared's shoulder.

"I know _nothing_ ," Jensen said quickly. For once, he felt as though he was _part_ of the socializing that was going on around him and it put a smile on his face.

The smile must have looked mischievous to J.D. because he narrowed his gaze. "You think I won't take you out if I have to?"

The smirk on Jensen's face broadened into a grin. "Well, there was this one time when J.D. thought he was about to be abducted by aliens."

"Aliens?" Matt said as he arrived at Jared's side. He glanced down at Jared's hand still holding Jensen's.

Jared blushed.

Jensen stepped a little closer to Jared, let go of his hand and slid his arm around Jared's waist. Heat bloomed in his veins, sending a pleasant warmth through his body. He smiled at Matt. "J.D. had a close encounter."

"I _hate_ when you start the story like that," J.D. said. He shook his head and scowled. "It was a train, okay? But I'd been on the road all fuckin' night and I thought somethin' was followin' me!"

A chuckle welled up in Jensen's chest until he just couldn't hold it in anymore.

"Aliens!" Matt exclaimed. He laughed, his face lighting up as he realized J.D.'s discomfort.

"Fuckers," J.D. muttered. He headed to the fire pit with Matt trailing along behind him begging for details.

When Jared spoke, it was low enough just for Jensen to hear. "I'm glad you came."

For a brief moment, Jared pressed his lips to the curve of Jensen's cheek, then he was walking back towards the fire pit and tugging Jensen along by his arm.

-=-=-=-

It was a good evening all in all. Some of the newer hires kept their distance from Jensen. To them, he was an unknown quantity. Most of the folks there seemed happy to see him though, and they knew him well. It left Jensen feeling welcomed.

As for his small foray into the public world with his relationship with Jared, it seemed a non-event. If anyone was surprised, they kept it to themselves. Jensen knew that J.D. wouldn't have anyone on the ranch who was prejudiced in any way, so there hadn't yet been an issue with Jensen's sexual preference.

Sometime near midnight, Jensen had stood and announced that he needed to go to bed. More than anything, he wanted to give everyone time to unwind without him there. Jared had offered to walk with him and there had been some playful banter around the firepit.

Jensen had found that it didn't bother him, and _that_ was unfamiliar. Sure, the laughter and teasing made him blush but the warmth from his amusement lingered as they walked up towards the main house.

"They're assholes," Jared said fondly as they trudged up the road.

Still smiling, Jensen slid his hands into the front pockets of his jeans. The night was quite warm, but he felt cooler since they had moved away from the fire. "You love' em."

"Some of 'em," Jared said.

"Thanks for…" Jensen's voice trailed off because he realized he didn't really know what he was thanking Jared for. Thank you for holding my hand? Thank you for letting people know that we are… whatever we are?

"Not everyone gets to stake a claim on the hottest guy on the ranch."

"Wow." Jensen couldn't help laughing. "You tryin' to make sure you get to keep your job?"

"I'm good at what I do. My boss would be nuts to let me go."

"He would?" There was a huge smile on Jensen's face. He'd given up trying to fight it.

"Totally. I'm really underpaid for my skill level," Jared added.

"Happens to the best of us," Jensen commiserated. "But, wait. Didn't I hear a rumor that you stole from your boss?"

"Yeah, but I'm like Robin Hood. I was protecting the horses."

"Right…" Jensen was still smiling as he remembered the night, they had _met_. He suspected there generally wasn't a gun involved in most peoples' first meetings.

They were quiet for a little while and as they neared the house, Jensen sighed happily.

Jared's shoulder bumped into Jensen's. "You asked me a while back if I could get your horses back."

The tone in Jared's voice had changed and Jensen glanced up at him. "Yeah."

"I told you I couldn't get them back because of where they are."

They arrived at the house and Jensen stopped at the front door. If he'd learned anything from Jared, it was that sometimes, it was just best to let people talk. He nodded.

"There's a small ranch just south of Austin. They work with kids on the Autism spectrum… partner them up with horses. It's kind of amazing. The kids seem to make real connections with the horses, like, somehow they feel understood."

There was a strange feeling in Jensen's chest. It was a weird pretzel twist of pride and warmth. "Really? That's… that's great."

"I thought I was taking them to a better place. I mean… back then. Would you maybe wanna go there with me? Check the place out?"

"I would really like that." It seemed to Jensen that the horses were still legally his, and that didn't feel right. "Maybe, if it's cool, we could officially hand over ownership."

"Yeah?" When Jared met Jensen's gaze there was so much warmth in his eyes that it took Jensen's breath away.

He just smiled and nodded.

"I'll call Kim this week. I _may_ have persuaded her to take the horses because they needed to be rescued. She's never done anything illegal… although, I think she has her suspicions that I did."

"Right." Jensen shook his head fondly. "She's not gonna try and beat me up or something, is she?"

Jared laughed. "No. I'll protect you. The thing is, she would have before, but I've already told her things out here were a lot different than I thought."

"Good."

"You gonna invite me in?"

"You know you're always welcome here, Jared." It wasn't like Jensen would _ever_ prefer to be without Jared's company.

When Jensen reached for the door handle, he found his hand covered by Jared's.

"I mean… can I stay tonight?"

Jensen looked up so he could read the expression on Jared's face. It was just relaxed and open. "Uh. Yeah. I mean… sure."

Was he supposed to clarify what they were doing? Did it matter? Would things go sideways in the morning? Jensen _really_ didn't want things to go sideways again because he didn't like the idea of not having Jared in his life. "I need to say something."

"It's okay, Jensen," Jared said quickly. "If you don't want to or if you –"

"- Jared?"

"What?"

"Can I just get this out?"

Jared pressed his lips together and nodded once looking abashed.

"Yeah. I'd like it if you stayed. But I've just had this slightly terrifying thought that I don't want a repeat of last time because, well, because… I don't want you out of my life."

For a few moments, Jared just looked confused. He dragged his teeth over his bottom lip, then shrugged. "Okay. I mean, not the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me, but not wanting me _out_ of your life is better than the alternative. But, I mean, I don't want you _out_ of _my_ life either."

Of course, Jared looked confused. It was rare that Jensen managed to get out his thought coherently, it was damn near impossible around Jared. "That didn't come out right."

"It's okay." A smile appeared on Jared's face. It was the smile he smiled when he was thankful that Jensen had tried to talk about something even if it had come out a bit garbled.

Jensen turned his hand over in Jared's so he could clasp it tightly. Their hands were so different, his fingers shorter, palms broader, Jared's skin a bit darker. "I _want_ you in my life."

Jared squeezed Jensen's hand. "Okay. I'm glad."

But Jensen wasn't really done. There were thoughts whipping around in his head that were unfamiliar but felt _right_ , new and terrifying, but somehow inviting. "I don't wanna see anyone else. Fuck. I don't even know how people do this. I get the picking-people-up part, but this is new. Do you ask people out when you're my age? Do we just have a talk about how we won't see other people? I really should have thought this through because you must think I'm –"

Jensen was saved by Jared's mouth being crushed against his own so quickly that the rush of heat in his body made him a little dizzy.

There was beer, something sweet and that taste of Jared in the kiss. What with the warm Texas heat, the stars overhead and the distant sounds of their friends still having fun; it was probably one of the best kisses Jensen had ever had.

When their lips finally parted, Jensen was panting slightly, his heart racing a little. He licked his lips and pressed his hand over Jared's heart. "Was that a yes?"

Jared nodded and his hair fell forward onto his face. His dark eyes were intense and made Jensen's spine feel like it was about to slide right out of his body. 

"You should probably ask me about staying again."

Jared’s nose twitched as he tried not to smile _too_ brightly. "Can I spend the night?"

"Only if you're not late for work in the morning."

"It's okay. I know the boss."

"We talked about this."

"You gonna fire me if I'm late?"

Jensen shook his head as he pushed the door open. "J.D. might."

The door swung open and Jensen didn't bother turning the light on as he headed down the hall.

"According to most of the people who work here? _You're_ the hard ass and J.D. is the soft touch," Jared said from behind Jensen.

There was a smile back on Jensen's face again. It was like he couldn't even help it anymore. "Maybe it depends on who's in shit."

"Maybe."

-=-=-=-

Before he was even able to turn on the light in the bedroom, Jensen found himself pressed up against the wall.

Jared's mouth was on his in a flash, one hand gripping Jensen's neck while the other smacked at the door to shut it.

The suddenness of it all, the press of Jared's body, the urgency, made Jensen a vibrating mess. That was the thing about Jared. Every time Jared was close to him, every circuit in Jensen's brain overloaded.

It didn't take long for them to move across the room to the bed. Jensen briefly got stuck in his jeans because he'd forgotten to take his boots off. Then Jared pushed him down onto the bed and yanked them off for him.

The urgency of their movements didn't abate until they had shed the last of their clothing and landed side by side on the bed.

They lay there for a while, Jared on his back, Jensen propped up on one elbow. He liked looking at Jared. The moonlight streaming in the windows highlighted all the sharp cuts of muscle on Jared's body.

"What?"

"Just lookin’ at you," Jensen said. His voice was a little rough.

Jared didn't bother answering. He simply pushed up to meet Jensen halfway as they began to kiss again.

Jared's lips were soft, insistent and each pass of them made it a little more difficult for Jensen to breathe. _Not_ that he cared.

They explored each other's bodies slowly. Jensen learned the full width of Jared's chest with his mouth. Jared's hands felt rough but gentle over every inch of Jensen's back until they settled on his ass.

It felt warm in the room, maybe, Jensen wasn't sure. It could just be the way Jared's touch brought all the nerves in his skin alive. His entire body was buzzing as he dragged his mouth down Jared's neck and bit at his shoulder.

Jared moaned and the sound raced down Jensen's body. His cock ached and he found himself pushing his hips forward to press it against Jared's thigh.

It went on like that for a while. Jensen lost himself in the hard body pressed against him and the way Jared's mouth always returned to his – as though he couldn't get enough.

But Jensen could feel the pleasure ratcheting up inside him, _need_ clawed at him, spawning a powerful ache inside.

Finally, Jared pushed back enough to focus his dark-eyed gaze on Jensen's face. "We haven't talked."

The timbre of Jared's voice made Jensen shiver. He took a deep breath and tried to sort out his brain. _No_ , they hadn't talked. _God,_ what a time to have a conversation. "No. Why? What do you… what do you want?"

Although it hadn't seemed possible, Jared's eyes darkened even more. He licked his lips and slid a hand over Jensen's hip and dug his fingers in. "You."

Heat shot through Jensen's body like a bolt of lightning. And his first and only thought was, _thank God_. Jensen managed to nod even though he felt as though he'd lost control of his body.

Jared surged forward, pushed Jensen onto his back and pinned him there. There was a look of hunger on his face that made all the air seep out of Jensen's lungs.

Their mouths were crushed together again, Jared's tongue pushing forwards while his fingers threaded through Jensen's. His grip was so tight that his nails were digging into the back of Jensen's hand. Their cocks were hot and hard, side by side as their bodies slid together.

Jensen moaned as Jared grabbed him and rolled him onto his side. He asked for lube and Jensen flailed his arm out towards the nightstand and almost knocked the lamp over.

He found himself joining Jared in laughter for a while as they found what they needed. It was so different. Sex with someone Jensen knew well, someone he cared about. Someone he would see in the morning and for a fuck of a lot of days after that if he had his way.

His thoughts burst apart like shrapnel when Jared pushed two fingers into his ass. He grunted quietly, sucking in a deep breath. "God."

Jared maneuvered himself around until he was pressed up against Jensen's back. As he continued to work Jensen open, he snaked his other arm under Jensen's neck, pulling him closer.

Being held, feeling the beautiful transition from pain to pleasure, Jensen just let himself ride out the intensity of it.

Hot breath across Jensen's ear sent shivers skipping down his body. Then the press of Jared's cock made him bite down on his bottom lip.

Jared's hand pressed over Jensen's heart. "Breathe."

 _God_. If Jensen died right at that moment, he would die completely happy. But he needed more. He reached back and grabbed Jared's strong thigh to urge him forward, faster… anything. _More._

As Jensen' body relaxed, took Jared in, he gripped the hand Jared had pressed over his heart. There would never be big enough words to describe how he felt.

The first thrust of Jared's hips made Jensen cry out in a raspy voice. Pleasure tore through him and he dug his nails into Jared's skin.

He'd barely managed to draw in a breath of air when Jared was snapping his hips forward again.

All the pent up want in Jensen's body began to unravel inside of him. He angled his hips back and tried to meet Jared's thrust.

Jared moaned, his mouth hot and wet against the back of Jensen's neck. He swore, his voice hardly more than a deep groan.

Their bodies moved in sync, hips rocking together, hands gripping flesh. Jensen could feel himself sliding closer and closer to the edge. His balls felt tight and full, his cock throbbing each time Jared's shaft slid into him.

It was fast enough to wind up all the _want_ in Jensen, slow and deliberate enough to keep Jensen _right_ on the edge.

When the head of Jared's cock hit Jensen's prostate, his entire body jolted. Pre-come leaked from his swollen shaft and he curled his fingers around it.

Jared tightened the arm around Jensen's body, panted soft and fast against Jensen's ear and thrust harder.

Pleasure sliced through Jensen, once, twice, he felt his balls tighten painfully then his release slammed into him.

His cock pulsed, come splashed hot against his hand. Jared moaned and his body stiffened against Jensen's back.

The air left Jensen's lungs as his body trembled through wave after wave of pleasure.

He felt Jared go lax against him, then felt himself wrapped up tightly in Jared's arms. It was a feeling he _knew_ he would never tire of.

They lay there for a long time, wrapped together, breathing themselves back down to the earth. It was a long journey. Jensen was pretty convinced that he'd been floating somewhere above the bed.

"Hey," Jared said against Jensen's ear. He kissed Jensen and shifted a little to get more comfortable.

"Hey." _Happiness_ welled up in Jensen's chest and he sighed.

"You good?"

"I'm perfect."

-=-=-=-

When Jensen woke up, he stretched his arms up above his head to work the kinks out of his back. He turned instinctively to the other side of the bed, but Jared was already gone.

Jensen rubbed his eyes and propped himself up on his elbows. The sheets were a mess, but Jared had picked up Jensen's clothes before he left and hung them over the chair. A heated blush crept onto Jensen's cheeks as he remembered how little he had cared about where his clothes had ended up the previous night.

He flopped onto his side and a small piece of paper fell off the spare pillow.

_Couldn't be late for work. Will be thinking about you … you are gorgeous when you're sleeping. Ride with me and Ash later? J x._

For some reason, Jensen found himself reading the note a few times before putting in in the top drawer of his nightstand. It was, after all, proof.

For once, Jensen found himself smiling as he dragged his ass out of bed. The smile even lasted through his shower and while he got clean clothes out. He liked the effect Jared seemed to have on him.

By the time Jensen reached the kitchen, J.D. was already eating. He was hunched over his breakfast in a way that suggested he might be dealing with a bit of a headache.

"Mornin'," Jensen called out.

"Hungover," Jeff growled.

"Fair enough." Jensen stared in the fridge for a few moments before deciding on cereal and grabbing the milk.

"And." J.D.'s coffee mug banged down on the table hard enough that his fork bounced off his plate. "We need to talk about Jared."

Jensen scratched his cheek and set the milk down on the counter so he could turn around and lean back against it. " _O_ … kay."

"Needs to be some rules around here. He can't just wander around the fuckin' house in the middle of the night, naked as the fuckin' day he was born –"

"- he what?" Jensen's eyes widened slightly.

" _Not_ done talkin'!" J.D. held up his hand to silence Jensen and the accompanying glare made Jensen bite down on his bottom lip _hard_. If he laughed, J.D. might actually throw something at him. Jensen rolled his lips together and gestured for J.D. to continue.

"No walkin' around naked _any_ time. I gotta work with him _and_ you and I don't need that image in my mind," J.D. said. He was quiet for a few moments then retrieved his coffee mug for another sip.

It took a few moments for Jensen to trust that he could open his mouth without laughing. "Got it."

"And, _Jesus Christ_ , I can't believe I'm sayin' this. But, don't do… _anything_ … where I'm likely to stumble across Y'all or there'll be hell to pay."

 _That_ was too much for Jensen. He snorted as he continued to wrestle with his utter amusement, then he couldn't contain it any longer. He laughed until his stomach hurt.

Eventually, something that resembled a muffin flew past Jensen's head, bounced off the cupboard and landed with a dull thump in the sink.

"Okay!" Jensen managed to get out as he gasped for air between bouts of laughter.

"Fucker," J.D. muttered. He got up from the table, gathered his dishes and went over to drop them in the sink. He hesitated for a moment at Jensen's side then reached up and tousled his hair.

He really didn't need to say anything else. J.D. had always had Jensen's back and he would continue to do so, Jensen knew that.

The smile on J.D.'s face as he left the kitchen was warm despite the man's usual gruff morning demeanor. Jensen could tell that J.D. thought that _Jensen and Jared_ was a good thing.

He and Jared were good.

The future could be good.

For the first time in his life, Jensen felt peaceful. He may have had to wait a long time for it to happen, but he had his family. Maybe he'd just spent far too long looking in the wrong places for… whatever it was Jared gave him.

There'd been no miracles. Jensen still didn't have everything figured out. He suspected he never would. But he could deal with things the way they were. He _liked_ things the way they were.

"Get your dazed ass out here!" J.D. yelled from the back door.

Grin plastered across his face, Jensen headed to work.


End file.
